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Penn State Football Doesn’t Play “Just The Tip” This Time, Stiffs Jimmy John’s Delivery Guy On Huge Order

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I know, I know. Two Sandusky jokes in the headline, low-hanging fruit, yada yada yada. Whatever. You try restraining yourself when that slowball is lobbed right over home plate. I was considering making a joke that connected the #5 Vito to salami, and then connected salami to Sandusky’s dong, but decided two was enough. If I’d done that, my bosses would’ve told me to hit the showers.

Jesus, I can’t stop… Someone help me, I beg of you.

Anyways, this story is about Penn State’s football coaches being a little too anal about their funds.


A disgruntled Jimmy John’s employee took to Twitter this past weekend to complain about a recent order placed by Penn State Football. He has since deleted the tweets, but here’s what they said.

Shouts out to Penn State Football for ordering $1,200 worth of Jimmy Johns for delivery and leaving a $0 tip. Hope you lose every game.

Someone then asked him “you the driver that got stiffed dude?,” to which he responded:

nope but I made and packaged their 120 box lunch order. Tax-exempt order.

Sources tell me the team’s coaches placed the order, with each coach getting a sandwich and each player getting a pickle — but only if they promised not to tell anyone about it.


From what I hear, it is standard procedure for schools to reimburse their football programs for the cost of their teams’ lunches, but not for the tip — that is apparently up to the coaches to figure out, which it appears they did not in this case. No tip for the Jimmy John’s crew and no taxes paid on their purchase? Penn state hasn’t fucked over this many Americans since…


Pretty dick move by Penn State (that’s not a Sandusky joke, I’m done with those). You’re raking in bazillions by tricking foolish Pennsylvanians into thinking your team will ever be relevant again and you can’t afford to throw a few hundo at the people who feed both your players and the numbskulls you rely on for revenue? Poor form.

Love this guy putting them on blast. I guess the Jimmy John’s in Happy Valley isn’t a fan of looking the other way for the betterment of the football program.

Wait FUCK.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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