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I think we can all agree that the United States of America is the greatest nation on Earth. That’s a given. However, our awesomeness does not mean that other countries are all dog shit bad. They simply pail in comparison. We are like Katherine Webb, and European countries are like Miley Cyrus. All around, we are better, but wouldn’t you still love to dip your whick in some of Miley Cyrus’ hot candle wax? Especially if you get to spend an entire semester drunk, with pass/fail grades, and without having to log your 15-20 hours a week at your internship? I believe we can all answer that with a resounding yes. Now, there are a lot of places in Europe, many of which look a lot more like Ke$ha after she’s been stuffed by six bath-salt wasted homeless men in a back alleyway, than they look like Miley Cyrus. Milan comes to mind. It sucks. There’s nothing to do there except see guys who dress like metrosexual douche gods. Also everyone was incredibly unfriendly, and I can only assume it was because they knew we were better than them and could out drink them, which in my opinion is something that should be considered cool, universally. That being said, there’s a lot of good shit going on in Europe and a lot of beautiful women that want nothing more than to be penetrated by a man who is from a country with enough F-15’s to make her country literally disappear. On that note, here are a few places I feel may be deserving of a visit.
Studied there for a semester. These people stay out until six o’clock in the morning, the students drink beers at 8:00am before class, the girls are unbelievably hot, and a decent amount of them enjoy American dick. I had the pleasure of sharing my capitalist seed with a 30-year-old senorita on my first night there, if that’s any indication. Also, everyone drinks outside, so they definitely got that part right. The con is you pretty much have to know Spanish. Unless you’re an international business major, or a migrant farmer with impressive attire and enough money to buy a bottle of wine, you’re shit out of luck. Seriously, go home immediately.
The pound is a bitch (didn’t see that one coming). It’s like 1:1.6 with the dollar. But since not one of your dads make less than 400k a year, it shouldn’t be a problem. There are a ton of bars, a ton of Americans studying there, and people speak English. Not to mention there’s enough cool shit to see to occupy an entire week, and although soccer is not football and shouldn’t even be called by that name, there’s nothing wrong with slamming 15 pints at an Arsenal game, and heckling the working class. Also the girls’ teeth aren’t that bad, unless of course you’re speaking to a foundry worker’s daughter.
It’s all American students, the bars are a blast, and the food is amazing. Italian beer is completely underrated by the way, and you’re within a mere bus ride of some of the world’s best vineyards. It was much to my dismay that those pussies don’t make boxed wine, but ya gotta take the good with the bad. Also, the David is there, which makes you feel like your unit is disproportionately large. The local girls are pretty hot.
Awesome beer, JAMESON, awesome music, JAMESON, and some of the nicest and funniest people you will ever meet. Not to mention there are bars everywhere. Galway is better than Dublin, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. The shitty thing is that the girls aren’t very attractive, the weather sucks, drugs are pretty hard to come by, and the bars close early. But if you’re looking for a great time with your buddies, a place where you can all go and black out to the max, Ireland is certainly your place.
Oktoberfest. Amazing food, best beer I’ve ever had, and they have roller coasters, so that’s pretty great. Enough said.
Hookers, an abundance of drugs, and good beer. Some areas are incredibly shady, but hey, you’ll always regret 100% of the Ukrainian, heroine-addicted harlots that you don’t slay. That’s the saying, right? Cons: there are hippies everywhere and a bunch of geeds on bicycles.
So if you’re looking to have a semester without any responsibilities outside of the greatest country in the world, I would suggest you try these places out. But never forget to subordinate every single foreigner you come across.