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Oklahoma lady puncher and running back Joe Mixon swears that the girl whose face he shattered like a dinner plate was actually, like, super strong and scary, you guys. Well, except for her face. That wasn’t very strong, since, you know, one solid shot to the jaw basically Jenga’d her skull. But still, just because Mixon was able to implode that girl’s face in with one swing doesn’t mean she didn’t have a mean right hook of her own. Wake up, sheeple.
At least, that’s according to what Mixon said in the now released police interview after the incident.
“I was so shocked, because she hit me so hard, it felt like really like a dude hit me.”
Let’s go to the video for a closer look.
Okay to be fair, you guys, she looked like she landed a pretty solid open handed slap on Mixon. So what do we expect a guy like Joe Mixon to do? It felt like he was getting hit in the face by a man. How is anyone supposed to keep their cool in a situation as rare and frightening as getting hit by a man? That’s not something you, or I, or college football player Joe Mixon deals with on a regular basis. Or… wait, what?
That quote is now my favorite part of this whole thing. A guy whose main skill in life is being able to absorb the brutal, punishing hits of giant men and keep moving as if nothing happened was like, “Wahhh it felt like a man hit me what was I supposed to do?” You’re literally trained to stay focused and think straight as giant men are violently colliding with you. Fuck off. I think you could have handled it.
Oh and also it was a tiny blonde woman slapping you so the point is kind of moot anyway, because you’re a liar, but we all knew that.
Also fuck David Boren. He’s my second favorite part of the Joe Mixon Breaking A Woman’s Face And Pretty Easily Getting Away With It saga. He expelled some Oklahoma SAEs for singing a racist song, but let Joe Mixon stay even though he beat the shit out of a female OU student. Why? Because one video leaked in the moment and the other didn’t. The latter didn’t have a media firestorm around it. That’s legitimately the main reason, in my mind, why Boren acted on one and not the other. If Mixon’s video had been released at the time, he probably would have been gone. But it didn’t and a different judgment has passed already, so Boren can’t really do anything, though I’m not sure he would anyway at this point.
I really want to know how in denial David Boren is about how much of a slimy, garbage human, pussy he is. I bet he thinks he’s a good person. That’s hilarious.
At this point based on Mixon’s “ordeal” I’m pretty sure Baker Mayfield could get away with being an actual serial killer.
Mayfield: I swear I didn’t know you weren’t allowed to cut people’s skin off, coach.
Stoops: Well there ya go. How’s this nice, hard workin’ kid supposed to know what he can and can’t do to a lady’s skin? The only skin he knows what to do with is the pigskin!
Boren: Damn right!
Prosecutor: Boomer Sooner!
Mayfield: Plus their skin all felt like a man’s skin if that makes a difference?
Boren: Uh sure, why not? By the way there’s no video of Baker here filleting that entire sorority house right?
Boren: I think we’re done here. Go get them Longhorns!.
[via The Washington Post]