Meanwhile, in the Middle East, Osama Bin Laden’s son Hamza Bin Laden has apparently risen to take control of the shattered remnants of al-Qaeda. The terrorist leader’s son recently issued a statement pledging his undying lust for revenge.
In a 21-minute speech titled “We Are All Osama” posted to a militant website, Hamza bin Laden pledged to continue the militants’ fight against the U.S.
In a translation of the speech posted by the Daily Pakistan, Hamza bin Laden said, “We will continue striking you and targeting you in your country and abroad in response to your oppression of the people of Palestine, Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Yemen, Somalia and the rest of the Muslim lands that did not survive your oppression.”
He continued, “As for the revenge by the Islamic nation for Sheikh Osama, may Allah have mercy on him, it is not revenge for Osama the person but it is revenge for those who defended Islam.”
Revenge? Let’s be honest here Hamza — you ain’t no Osama. I can see the attention you’ve put forward in trying to match his signature turban and green camo jacket style, but dude, you’re missing the most important part: your face is as bare and smooth as a 12 year old’s. How can you ever strike fear into the hearts of the West without your father’s impressive beard? You’re in your mid-twenties, man! Haven’t hit puberty yet? You look like baby Simba from The Lion King. Pathetic.
This whole thing is like a bad movie sequel. Let’s hope America’s fleet of flying murder robots can put al-Qaeda to bed for good. God Bless Our Drones..