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Oreos are Gay Alright, Gay for Money

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The Oreo Corporation has taken a lot of flack recently for its gay pride campaign featuring an Oreo cookie with 6 colored cream stacks representing the gay pride rainbow. Below the deliciously unobtainable cookie are the date “June 25” and the word “Pride”. Something as controversial as a multicolored cookie has obviously blown the fuck up on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media outlets. Comments range from devoted support to violent abandonment and the quoting of Biblical verses.

Obviously the company knows that it’s going to take hate from ultra-conservative customers, but the amount of new loyalty dwarfs the loss by comparison. Even if you are the most homophobic individual on the planet, are you really going to stop eating Oreos? Fuck no. That shit is delectable.

A lot of people think “Wow, Kraft foods is such a progressive company because they support gay pride.” But these people fail to realize the one simple truth about Capitalism: corporations don’t give a fuck about you. They only get involved in social-political issues when they smell a good profit margin. When they make a stance on a divisive issue, the only thing Nabisco hears from its supporters are: “Wow, this is a progressive company that cares about real issues.” “I’m a dumb fucking moron who is going to become a loyal customer because I’m too stupid to think critically.”

It’s not about who’s top or bottom, it’s about the bottom line. Corporations only “care” because they think they can turn their fake enthusiasm into profits. People who believe that corporations care about anything other than money are just as delusional as the alcoholic dad who thinks he can beat the gay out of his homosexual son. Plenty of other corporations have jumped on the gay bandwagon by sponsoring gay pride events.I don’t really think that Bud Light, NBC, Stella Artois, Wells Fargo, Johnson and Johnson, Bacardi, AT&T, and Coca Cola are in it for gay rights. They are in it for the money.

I believe in freedom, so I don’t give a shit if people want to be gay. This is America, do whatever you want. Be gay with each other all you want, just don’t get gay with me or on my possessions. Regardless of what you believe about homosexuality, I think we can all come to an agreement on one thing… those gay Oreos look fucking delicious.

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RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

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