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Oregon Town Cancels Fireworks Show to Avoid Disturbing Local Birds

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What has this great country come to? Are we so concerned with the present that we now refuse to honor our past? Is living wildlife really more important than remembering our dead ancestors? According to Fox News, an Oregon town has cancelled their July 3rd fireworks show out of respect for seabirds native to the area because they may be startled by the display. No word on if the town also plans to cancel upcoming thunderstorms or outlaw noisy car sex in their local parks (note: that might already be illegal).

Locals claim that not only is the canceling of the show a slap in the beautiful face of Lady Liberty, but that it also may hurt local businesses.

The move has irked local business owners who count on the popular show to bring foot traffic.

“It’s a great loss to our community,” Peggy Leoni, co-owner of Trollers Lodge, a small motel in Depoe Bay, told the newspaper.

A local Oregon hippy countered by claiming that “Hey man, the Earth is like, a business too, and we’re ALL customers, birds AND humans, so like, just think about that.” It was later reported that the hippy too became upset that the show was cancelled when he realized that he would have no crowds to sell his homemade hemp bracelets to.

Oregon wildlife officials also weighed in:

Rebecca Chuck, deputy project leader with the Oregon Coast National Wildlife Refuge Complex, said the move was necessary to protect species such as the Brandt’s cormorant that nest at Pirates Cove.

The cove is less than a mile south of Boiler Bay, where the fireworks show is held, and seabird colonies on the north coast face intensifying pressure from bald eagles and other predators. The event at Boiler Bay has been a tradition since 1993.

Bald eagles are wiping out these pussy seabirds? Could it be any more obvious that God wants there to be a fireworks show celebrating America? He doesn’t send his angels of freedom to wipe out just any species, dammit!

Shame on you Depoe Bay, Oregon. If those seabirds don’t like how America celebrates then they can GIT OUTTTT!

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