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Olympic Village Sex: Pics or it Didn’t Happen

As another Summer Olympics approach the world will once again watch as the best amateur athletes on the planet, plus a shit ton of NBA stars, compete to prove that America is better than China at sports. This year, as always, there are several intriguing story lines, including the aforementioned basketball tournament and another summer of Michael Phelps gliding impossibly through the water like a rippling man-dolphin. There are those stories, watched closely by the sports media, and then there’s another story. It’s the same story that has been being told for at least the better part of a decade. It’s a story that started out as awesome, but has already gotten old. It’s the story about how the Olympic village, where the athletes live during the games, is a giant drunken fuck fest. This story has been going on unsubstantiated for too damn long.

Pics or it didn’t happen.

I’m tired of hearing about all the sex, drugs, and boozing that happens during the Olympics and not even getting a glimpse of the action. I’m not asking for much. I don’t need to see a sex tape of Nastia Liukin titled “Nastia Gets Nah-sty in London,” although I would watch that on a loop for about a month. I just want a picture of a wild Olympic village party. Provide photographic evidence that everyone in the village is competing for a gold medal in blacking out and I will be more than happy to assume that after the twitpic was taken the Swedish women’s soccer team started giving out blow jobs and Hallonbåtar.

In fact, not only will I believe all the crazy Olympic village stories I hear, whether or not they’re true, but I’ll start imagining my own. Like the one about how LeBron James couldn’t handle his liquor (because I’m confident he can’t) and Blake Griffin drunkenly tricked him into hooking up with a roided out Chinese she-male track star. Or what about the one where Michael Phelps had to use a deep dish pizza as a part of foreplay with the Belarusian female gymnasts he was slamming because he would have burned too many calories otherwise? I will believe all of those and more if you give me just one picture, dammit.

Until then, Olympians, your claims of throwing wild parties are mere urban legend. You want to avoid being completely forgotten as soon as the Olympics are over? Give the world an Olympic village party picture. That should buy you an extra week of relevance.

[h/t to reader LoneFratStar]

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