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Old Tweets From Mizzou Student Government Candidates Surface And Everyone Is So Damn Screwed

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Welp, goodbye current slate of presidential and vice presidential candidates hoping to have an impact on the Mizzou student body. Cause of death: Your own old tweets.

I was scrolling my Twitter feed last night when a series of tweets caught my eye, mainly because they were the only ones not about “The Bachelor” finale.

Old tweets, you say? Count me in.

A reporter from KCOU, Mizzou’s student-run radio station, decided to go down Old Twitter Lane of the students looking to run for Missouri Students Association (MSA) president and vice president. Now, if you’re unfamiliar with how student government works, these are essentially worthless positions that have no real function aside from allowing a 22-year-old to have a say on whether to allocate $200 to a parking fund or a new gender-neutral drinking fountain.

Still, these are the students’ representatives and are held to a higher standard. So, what did trusty old Brett find on these candidates timelines?

Dumb

Fuck. Me. I love me a good old political scandal so damn much, especially when it involves absolutely everyone and the whole ship is being sank. I’ve been in a constant state of euphoria ever since Trump took office.

Sure, you can chalk about 90 percent of these tweets up to horrible immaturity by then-high schoolers. Still, as a “public” figure (in the same way a blogger with 500 followers marks their social media profiles as “public figure” sort of way), you’ve got to know that you’re under a different kind of scrutiny. If you’ve made it this far in life and haven’t gone back to expunge your Twitter timeline, I suggest you get on that ASAP. I’m still trying to forget about the days I tweeted about my love for Hawthorne Heights, but thanks to Twitter’s “delete tweet” feature, I can carry that cross in private.

I’m interested in how this will all play out as it appears almost every candidate has a dirty hand or two here. My suggestion? Promise a new vending machine in Memorial Union, and everyone will forget this whole thing happened. Or just get blackout drunk at 10Below and pick a new career. Either one works.

Image via Shutterstock

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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