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Ohio State Players Spent The Weekend Being Outsmarted By Their Sleep Number Beds

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No one has ever overestimated college football players’ intelligence. Their shoddy academic records verify such claims, as do most of the players themselves who have no desire (or incentive) to flirt with the academic side of the institution which is embroidered on their chest every Saturday.

Whether or not intelligence is a stipulation of successfully sleeping in a Sleep Number bed is something I’m beginning to question. I’ve never owned a Sleep Number bed, nor could I give you any specifics as to how they are operated considering I just discovered the company is still in business as of a few minutes ago. I just simply refuse to believe that it takes anything more than a somewhat self-sufficient person to successfully operate it.

Are Ohio State football players self-sufficient members of society? If we’re judging them based on their Twitter feed, the answer is a resounding “nah.” That’s not a knock on them, it just makes me wonder how it can possibly be difficult to configure a fucking bed. Their biggest struggle of the weekend was dozing off in the team hotel the night before their game against Michigan State, so I can assume they still had a better weekend than you and I did.

The restless night didn’t seem to faze the Buckeyes much, however, as they soundly beat Michigan State the following day.

If your biggest failure of the weekend is being unable to set up your Sleep Number bed, I’d consider it a damn good couple of days.

Image via 800HighTech

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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