NEW TFM Videos Section

Watch thousands of hilarious videos from college campuses across the country.

Watch Now

Obama’s Israel Policies May Be To Blame For Rejection From Exclusive Golf Club

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

Screen Shot 2017-01-11 at 3.27.14 PM

I believe it was world-famous glasses manufacturer Graucho Marx who said, “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member.” And honestly you can’t argue with the logic.

It always turns my brain into a soft pretzel dipped in spicy brown when I hear about clubs who won’t let in the country’s elite just because of a little controversy. Exhibit A: The Country Club in Brookline, Mass. Tom Brady freaking lives on the course and they still won’t let him in because of Deflategate. Honestly, their loss.

And now we’ve got Exhibit B, with Woodmont Country Club in Maryland likely not letting President Obama (ever heard of him?) into their ranks because of his Israeli policies.

From the NY Post:

President Obama’s clashes with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu may cost him a membership at an exclusive golf club, sources said.

Obama is looking to join the elite Woodmont Country Club in Maryland once he becomes a private citizen.

But members of the mostly Jewish club are at each other’s throats over whether to accept the golf-loving president, with many saying he deserves to be snubbed for not blocking an anti-Israel vote at the United Nations, according to the sources.

Obama’s complimentary membership in the club — which charges regular members an $80,000 initiation fee — would have begun after he leaves the White House on Jan. 20, Inauguration Day.

“Can you imagine how angry I would be if I had paid $80K to have to look at this guy who has done more to damage Israel than any president in American history?” an official in a Washington Jewish organization fumed to The Post.

I’m no expert on Jews in country clubs, although I’ve seen Larry David fuck up at his country club so I have an idea of the people we’re dealing with here. But where I am an expert in is Israeli politics. I just spent two weeks in the Promised Land and everyone knows a few weeks spent doing anything qualifies you as an expert to speak on the matter. It’s this principle that allows me to eloquently speak on The Bachelor and brunch, and not so much talk about how to convince girls to let me do the sex with them.

So let me tell you a little bit about us Jews and that little piece of land in the Middle East we refer to as Israel. You want a little slice of our Jew gold? Just nod your head in the pro-Israel direction. Zionism is to us Jews as cross-fit is to that asshat who keeps hitting on you in the Jamba juice line. Like the juice guzzling cross-fitter, Pro-Israel Jews are outrageously steadfast in their beliefs. Israel is the tits, and so is cross-fit. That’s just the way it is.

The Israeli conflict in the West Bank is more complicated than trying to get your iPhone fixed at the “Genius” Bar without access to the internet, so I won’t speak about what the hullaballoo is all about, but if these country club dudes who struggle to break 100 on the links are fighting Barry O’s admittance so vehemently, you have to think it’s a little more than just a little disagreement about Israeli settlements in the West Bank.

They’re worried that his secret service boys are going to help him cheat every time he steps foot onto the sage grass a la Welcome to Mooseport. They don’t want security checks every time they happen to play on the same day Obama does. They don’t want a President coming in and ruining their status quo, politics completely aside. Or maybe it’s because he’s black. Either way, if the Jewish country club doesn’t grant him access, who will?

“After the UN vote and attack on Israel, I think it probably hurts the club. If there is a club that excludes Jews, he would probably be more comfortable around those folks.”

Right, because the club that excluded JEWS are going to be so welcoming of a black dude.

[via NY Post]

Image via Wikimedia Commons/ The Official White House Photostream

Listen to Back Door Cover, our sports podcast hosted by Ross Bolen and Dillon Cheverere. Mia Khalifa joined the guys in studio this week, and Dolphins quarterback TJ Yates called in as well. Hit play below. And subscribe to Back Door Cover on iTunes so we can get paid.

Email this to a friend

Boston Max

You can usually find me romancing your older sister over at PGP (PostGradProblems)

8 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed