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NYU Dork Pays Fraternity Dues In Nerdiest Way Possible

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I’m already sick of the future, man. The techno. The Miley haircuts. The forward pass in football. I guess I just fear change, which is why my car’s cup holder only contains crisp, $50 bills–none of that nickel and dime business, so you know my parking meter spots are the elitist of the elite. Cash Rules Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M., get the money, dolla dolla bills, y’all.

Apparently, though, the dorks at New York University don’t share my appreciation for the almighty dollar. A few rabble rousers are using some sort of made up, online currency that I’ve never heard of in order to pay their fraternity dues.

NYU junior Jonathan Kirsh paid his dues to Phi Kappa Sigma via Bitcoin last week, as first reported by NYULocal.

“Maybe we could start a trend,” Mr. Kirsh told The Observer. “Bitcoin could be a real currency at some point, and we can say we were the first.”

Bitcoins? Sounds fictional. Might as well be called space cash or pesos.

Fake, online money seems to defeat the purpose of dues. Here’s how this process is supposed to go. First, a brother gets his final warning from Nationals to pay the entirety of his last five semesters’ worth of dues in the next two weeks, or else he will be sent to collections. Next, about five months later, the brother cuts his treasurer a check for, like, 10 percent of his owed amount. Finally, that money gets embezzled by the treasurer for dart boards. It’s so quick, simple, and efficient, yet these doofuses are willing to throw all that out the window.

I really hope that bitcoins don’t become a trend. The last time I checked, I joined a fraternity, not a Dungeons and Dragons fan club.

Now get off my lawn, you damn kids with your rock ‘n’ roll 8-tracks.

[via New York Observer]

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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