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Number Of Americans Filing For Unemployment Inexplicably Drops Just As Bernie Sanders Does

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The hype train is finally pulling into the station.

Senator Sanders’ campaign is just about berned out and today we’re expecting him to announce his withdrawal from the race and endorse HillRod and tell us we should love each other unconditionally and continue to hate people with money.

From the Washington Post:

Bernie Sanders returns to Washington on Thursday for a pair of high-profile meetings and a rally, with his presidential campaign flagging but determined to exit the Democratic race against Hillary Clinton on his own terms.

Sanders has vowed to stay in the race through the Democratic convention in July, in a last-ditch bid to win the nomination by flipping the allegiance of hundreds of superdelegates who have already announced support for Clinton. A growing number of Sanders’s supporters have acknowledged the scenario is far-fetched.

“No one is the nominee. The nominee is elected at the convention,” [Campaign Manager] Jeff Weaver said when asked whether Sanders will acknowledge Clinton as the Democratic standard-bearer.

When asked whether Sanders considers her to be the presumptive nominee, Weaver shook his head. “That’s a term of art that the media uses,” he said.

You stubborn old fool.

Ya lost, Bernie. You’re a loser. Even using Bernie math, there’s simply no way he’ll flip all those Clinton-committed superdelegates.

Hang on. Things don’t appear to be all that bad with our economy. It looks as though people are going back to work.

From Thomson Reuters:

The number of Americans filing for unemployment benefits unexpectedly fell last week, pointing to sustained strength in the labor market despite a sharp slowdown in hiring last month.

Initial claims for state unemployment benefits declined 4,000 to a seasonally adjusted 264,000 for the week ended June 4, the Labor Department said.

“Firms do not appear to be shedding labor. We expect hiring activity to resume in the coming weeks and lead an overall rebound in net employment growth,” said Jesse Hurwitz, an economist at Barclays in New York.

Now that’s a future I can believe in.

Now that I can’t rally no more, my step daddy said I need to get a job. He said no one’s gonna wipe out that $135,000 loan against my name and he’s threatening to take away the Civic if I don’t start paying for its liability coverage. And speaking of liabilities, it’s a good thing I dual majored in gender studies and English literature, or I’d have far fewer job prospects.

Would you like a side of ranch?

[via Washington Post, Thomson Reuters]

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Kramer Smash

Unabashed Pitt alum with an affinity for brown girls and Manhattans. Send lovelies to

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