Now That’s What I Call Hazing!


All good hazing has a few things in common:

1) It builds character.

2) It melts minds.

3) It has a scathing soundtrack.

That’s why, for a limited time (forever), TFM is bringing you “Now That’s What I Call Hazing!” A soundtrack so grating and lacking in regard for human sanity that if your pledge doesn’t leave the basement with serious mental issues, it’s because they died in the basement. The album features 55 tracks ranging from mind-numbingly annoying to pants-shittingly terrifying. For three easy payments of $0, this soundtrack can haunt your pledges’ nightmares for years to come.

Just toss in some ear buds and vacate the room while those pathetic subhumans toil through whatever humiliating task is set for them. Cleaning the house? Why not toss Barney’s classic “Clean Up” on a four hour loop. High heels and diapers day? Well Annie would say they’re never “Fully Dressed” without a smile. If sheer pain is more your thing, just turn up some Meshuggah or “Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drum.” Those sweet, innocent pledges will be making new messes they’ll have to clean up in no time!

The full playlist can be found on Spotify. Just be sure to follow Karltfm while you’re at it for all the hot, sexy jams your ears can stand.

BUT WAIT! There’s more!

Thanks to your loyal clicks, you’ll also receive seven bonus tracks, absolutely free! Who can forget these timeless classics like…

Patrick Star saying “Yeedle Leedle Leedle Lee” for 10 hours!

A 10 minute loop of Ted’s band from Scrubs singing “Baby Back” but never saying ribs!

A song about nails and dicks! (Side note: holy fuck the nightmares.)

Coconut butt! Coconut butt!

100 things that will make you want to kill yourself!

Mine! Mine! Mine! FOR LITERAL HOURS!

Or everyone’s least favorite ball of lard and hate, Trigglypuff!

Happy hazing, you sick fucks.

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Karl Karlson

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in the mountains of NC where he wrestles black bears and attempts to grow a beard. Karl gave up liquor following an unfortunate incident involving tequila and a vacuum cleaner, but he isn't above a nice stout on the porch.

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