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Northwestern University Professor Quits Job Because Students Kept Throwing Used Condoms In His Yard

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Well at least no one can blame this on fraternities, since we all know condoms are NF. You know who uses condoms? Geeds who don’t have health insurance to pay for their STD medicine and get rid of/take care of their pregnancies. Condoms are for Obamacare supporters. Now if you’ll excuse me I have seventeen pills to take before I go to the bathroom and apply a few creams and powders to my crotch region. Crotch powders and shaft creams covered by my private health insurance, because I’m a contributing American DAMMIT!. By the way what’s the forecast today? Oh God, the humidity makes everything down there so much worse.

In truth, I have no idea who was ditching their DNA, purportedly along with their empty beer cans, in the angry professor’s yard, but if it’s true about all the puke he claims was in his bushes as well, then there’s a good chance some drunk fraternity guys were involved. Puking in a random person’s yard seems like a pretty common TFM.

“The used condoms tend to show up in the back yard, actually,” said Dr. Mark Waymack, a former Adjunct Associate Professor in Medical Humanities and Bioethics at Northwestern.

He lives very close to the school’s Evanston campus, where he says he’s seen a lot of students behaving badly.

“And the vomit, the beer cans in the hedges. I think they horse around late at night.”

You think they horse around late at night? What are your other suspicions, professor? The garbage man who empties the fraternity house dumpsters has a vendetta against you? Waymack turned in his letter of resignation and blamed the university for allowing this party culture to exist at Northwestern.

It’s easy to understand why Waymack is upset though. If anyone can truly appreciate how rude it is to throw a used condom into a stranger’s yard, it’s a Bioethics professor.

[via CBS Chicago]


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