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North Korea’s Internet Access Is Completely Gone And The United States Was Definitely Behind It

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It has been a crazy week for the little plump man in North Korea. He became relevant for the first time in months in the wake of the Sony hacking debacle. His boner has reached an all-time record of 0.2 inches and has now been declared as the “World’s Largest Penis” by the North Korean Book of World Records. There isn’t much to say about it all, Big Un has had a helluva week.

Things seemed to be looking up in the nation. Well, until they pushed the United States just a tad too far. Shit hit the fan, a few 1990s computers bit the dust, and the entire nation is now without Internet.

The network collapse came on the heels of President Obama’s declaration of a “proportional response” to the North Korean cyber attacks, and while United States officials won’t publicly admit they’re behind it, we all know America just wrecked shit with the press of a button.

From New York Times:

Doug Madory, the director of Internet analysis at Dyn Research, an Internet performance management company, said that North Korean Internet access first became unstable late Friday. The situation worsened over the weekend, and by Monday, North Korea’s Internet was completely offline.

“Their networks are under duress,” Mr. Madory said. “This is consistent with a DDoS attack on their routers,” he said, referring to a distributed denial of service attack, in which attackers flood a network with traffic until it collapses under the load.

We’re the United States. We have the best technology in the world. I fully believe it took no more than a few clicks and an inebriated rookie CIA cyber warrior to demolish the embarrassment that was the North Korean Internet. This is child’s play for those guys.

Taking down a system constructed of semen and the bones of traitors is not exactly an incredible feat for the United States. It is, however, nice to remind the world that we have the capability of wrecking havoc upon your pathetic excuse of a society should you push the wrong buttons.

Watch yourself, North Korea. We’re still playing pre-school games.

[via New York Times]

Image via Shutterstock

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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