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NHL Player Jiri Hudler Loudly Demands A Mile-High Cocaine Bump Mid-Flight, But Who Hasn’t?

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jiri hudler nhl

Professional athletes are some of the biggest degenerates society has ever seen. They’re superhuman in not only their athletic ability, but their abilities to withstand alcohol, drugs, and whatever physical damage could be thrown at the human body. There’s no limit to their debauchery. I’m jealous of them; I really am. God bless America, where we can pay someone literally tens of millions of dollars to do some shit that would make a first semester college freshman say, “Yeah, that’s too much.” And athletes across all sports do it: baseball, basketball, football, curling, etc. One shining beacon of civility and composure in this mess has been the National Hockey League, at least until now.

From TSN, which is basically Canadian ESPN:

Former Detroit Red Wings and Calgary Flames forward Jiri Hudler is accused of having an outburst on a flight to Prague in which he threatened flight attendants, demanded cocaine and tried to urinate in a food cart, according to a report in the Czech Republic.

I got exhausted and hungover just reading that. This literally sounds like the plotline for a rejected fourth Hangover movie. Just when we thought Lamar Odom was bad with cocaine and hookers, Hudler’s over here knocking it up about 50 notches.

Flying’s tough and can lead to weak moments for some, so I’m sure Hudler thought it was perfectly reasonable asking around for just a little itty bit of white lightning to make his flight more enjoyable. Then the airline tries to turn it on him like he’s a criminal. This past summer when I flew, I tried asking for a little recreational cocaine and was similarly denied. Try flying Spirit Airlines and you’ll need something even stronger to keep your sanity. This never would have happened during the golden age of flying. If this was a Pan-Am Mad Men-type flight from the 1960s, the attendant would have come back with a block of pure Colombian coke and a steak dinner, and probably would’ve given you a blowjob at no extra charge.

Maybe Hudler is a little at fault here. Airlines today charge you for everything; meals, baggage, leg room, oxygen, etc. Maybe Hudler forgot to pay his “in-flight cocaine” fee? I hear if you sign up for one of those airline credit cards, they give you frequent flyer points for that. And don’t hit me with the, “Sorry, we don’t allow cocaine on this flight” bullshit. I’ve reviewed the handbooks thoroughly (I haven’t) and there’s nothing in the TSA guidelines prohibiting a little booger sugar at 30,000 feet.

This one’s on you, airlines. Haven’t you had enough bad press this year? First, United beats the shit out of that guy, and now you can’t hook a model member of the NHL community up with some recreational drugs on his flight? What ever happened to “the friendly skies?” Good luck defending yourself this time, airlines.

As for you, Hudler, you might want to hang out with Jarret Stoll if he’s still around. God bless the NHL.

[via TSN]

Image via Shutterstock

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Previously known for being the 4th best improv comedian in the state of New Jersey, he enjoyed a brief career in politics by serving on his fraternity's eboard until a scandal not as bad as the Lewinsky scandal, but more memorable than Whitewater lead to his resignation. Now, he spends his time making God awful jokes in chapter meetings, rooting for a shitty New Jersey hockey team, and serving on the congressional committee set to determine whether Oprah Winfrey should be classified as a cult or a religion.

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