Rob Gronkowski. If you don’t know who that is, immediately chop your sack off and go read Cosmo. Gronkowski is the premier Tight End in the National Football League, terrorizing the league with his size (6’6”, 265) and skills (NFL record 18 TD’s for a TE), all the while banging porn stars and partying like a fucking animal.
Gronkowski recently signed a new contract, making him the highest paid Tight End in the history of the league. The Patriots and their fans, though, worry about Gronk’s attitude and lifestyle. He has continually been the focus of videos, pictures, and countless stories detailing his wild party antics.
True, it is the dead middle of the NFL Offseason, but this is when Gronk is in his prime. This summer alone, gronk has been seen beer bonging and partying his dick off in crutches in Aruba. There also was something about hooking up with a 16 year old girl.
Gronk is a true champion. He once stated “Yo soy fiesta,” in an interview with ESPN Deportes, which literally translates to “I am party.” I don’t think it gets much more clear what his intentions in life are: drink, rail pornstars, and complete domination on the gridiron. Gronk is a modern-day role model for any rising man; He is the best in the world at what he does, and still gets outrageously shit-faced day in and day out.
Gronk’s answer to every one of life’s problems is “party.” After losing the Super Bowl (in which he played with a broken ankle), Gronk headed straight to the bar where he pounded tequila until he couldn’t stand. Videos quickly hit the internet of Gronk getting buck wild. Controversy erupted. Weeks later, while making an appearance on ESPN, Gronk was asked if he regretted partying after the big game. He simply replied “I’m just sorry y’all have to make such a big deal of me living my life.”
Rob Gronkowski, plain and simple, is a fucking champion. He is the NFL’s best, richest, and most badass tight end ever. Let’s see Antonio Gates, or anyone in the NFL for that matter, try to go shot-for-shot with Gronk. They’d be left in a roadside ditch. I can tell you one thing, I’m sure as hell getting Zubaz and partying shitfaced in his honor every game day this fall.