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Check Out The NFL’s Latest, Greatest Plan To Destroy Football

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nfl football

Every week, there’s a fantasy football ‘sleeper’ that suddenly breaks out for a season-high performance and leads all NFL players in fantasy scoring. Unfortunately — or fortunately, if you’re up against them — more often than not, they can be found sitting on some poor bastard’s bench while their No. 1 pick puts up double huevos. Bummer, man.

That’s the beauty of fantasy football, though. Setting those final lineups is like playing a game of risk. Die-hard fantasy players keep their finger hovering above the ‘save changes’ button down to the last second as if they’re approving a nuclear missile launch.

Now, the money-hungry NFL powers that be have schemed up another way to both destroy the sport we all love and further deplete their poor, naïve fan base’s wallets. has begun offering fantasy leagues that provide the ability to substitute a player from your bench into the starting lineup should they outperform another player at that same position. Yes, you can adjust your lineup AFTER games are underway. All for the mere charge of $1 for a single substitute or $3.99 for the ability to make unlimited roster moves.

That’s right. The NFL, who is holding strong with their stance against the legalization of sports gambling, is attempting to make a buck off a form of gambling they both own and operate. That sounds about on par with how the NFL conducts their daily business operations as of late.

I could take the easy way out and put this bullshit entirely on the shoulders of Commissioner Roger Goodell. While I have no doubt Goodell’s fingerprints are on this somewhere, let’s not limit the blame to just one asshole in a league full of assholes in both team ownership and the league office.

There’s no way any self-respecting fantasy football player signs up for one of these leagues, right? Hillary Clinton isn’t the only one caught up in scandal these days. We’re talking about a full-blown pay-for-play fantasy sports cheating scandal here, folks. That might slide in Washington, D.C. circles, but not somewhere where we still pride ourselves on winning fair and square in this country — fantasy football leagues.

Let’s take a look at the NFL’s priority list of issues to address:

1) Eliminating all fun for players on the field and fans on social media
2) Monitoring the air pressure of footballs
3) Robbing fantasy football players
4) Preventing marijuana overdoses
5) Fining players for wearing unapproved shoe laces

499) Enforcing an actual domestic violence policy
500) Furthering the research and prevention of CTE

Don’t ever give up on your fantasy sports integrity. It’s all we’ve got left.

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Image via dean bertoncelj /

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If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent!

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