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If Your Team Wasn’t In The Super Bowl, Stop Fucking Talking About Them

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cleveland browns nfl

Before I start, I need to state that I’m not a diehard NFL fan. In fact, I’m not really an NFL fan at all. I love an exciting game like this year’s Super Bowl as much as much as the next guy, but I’ve never had a fantasy team, I’m not planted in front of the TV all day on Sundays, and I don’t own a single piece of NFL apparel. Maybe it’s because my starting QB is more concerned with social justice than football, but for whatever reason, I just can’t get into the NFL (yeah yeah yeah, I’m a huge pussy. Believe me — I’ve already been told).

Due to all that, what I’m about to say may be completely off. But just try and hear me out.

I think that how you express support for your team says a lot about you. It shows what kind of winner you are as well as what kind of loser you are. It exemplifies how you handle adversity, how you treat people who are different than you, how you approach integrity, and whether your ego supersedes principle. And while I understand that sport has the ability to amplify both our best and worst qualities, it still stands as a good moral indicator. Knowing all this, if you are the kind of person whose team wasn’t in the Super Bowl and yet you still post about them directly after the Big Game, I don’t want to be friends with you.

Going to school in the Northeast, I spent my Sundays surrounded by Patriots, Jets, Giants, and the occasional Eagles fan (side note: how come every friend group in America, no matter where you live, has either an Eagles, Steelers, or Packers fan in it? Think about it). And, as you would expect, the Pats fans spent their Sundays jerking it to ESPN’s commentary on Tom Brady and telling everyone how their cousin once partied with Gronk, the Giants fans spent their Sundays reminding everyone who the 2 is in Brady’s 5-2 Super Bowl record, and the Jets fans were just happy to be invited to a Super Bowl party at the end of the season.

Once 51 ended on Sunday and the Pats fans all came into their empty Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee cups, I checked social media to see what the buzz was. Aside from the expected excitement from Pats fans, my feed was consumed with fans of neither the Pats nor the Falcons desperately posting anything and everything about their team in a sad attempt to show the world that, “Hey, my team is good, too!”

And look — I understand that the Patriots are easily the most hate-able team in the NFL. I also understand that the way they won made them even more unbearable. But if you are not a Falcons fan, posting about your team makes you look like a petty asshole that can’t handle when the spotlight isn’t on them. What are you hoping to accomplish?

“Shit, I was going to celebrate the win, but since Dan posted a video of David Tyree’s catch, I guess I’ll go home and punch myself in the dick!” – No Patriots fan ever

“Guys, cancel the parade and give back the Lombardi. I just saw a meme showing why all of Brady’s rings are illegitimate and now I’m sad.” – Not Robert Kraft

“Eli, since you beat me twice, I want to give you all my rings, the title of Best Quarterback Ever, and a dry over-the-pants handjob!” – Not Tom Brady

Your posts caused none of this, and never will, because that’s not how things work in the real world. If anything, your sourness made the victory that much sweeter for every Pats fan out there. Did anyone gain more respect for Kanye after he interrupted T-Swift at the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards? No, it just made him look like a pathetic spotlight whore who can’t live unless everyone is watching him.

Does this mean you should be happy about a Pats win? Hell no; be as pissed off as you want. But understand that by posting about your team when they weren’t even playing, you’re just telling the world that you’re a whiny insufferable loser who doesn’t know how to lose.

Image via Shutterstock

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