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NF Confessions: I Have No Idea How To Throw A Football

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This is a safe place. Within the virtual walls of this webpage, we are free from the harsh scrutiny of our peers — scrutiny to uphold the impossibly high standards of the lifestyle that our fraternity letters demand. Let your guard down. Share with us your most NF attributes, anecdotes, desires, or anything that is generally deemed NF.

To get things started, we asked our staff to hit the NF confessional. Their anonymous responses are below.

  1. I can still hit a kickflip. #NFconfessions
  2. I buy my Polo and Brooks Brothers at the outlet stores. #NFconfessions
  3. I love West Side Story. #NFconfessions
  4. I’ve never seen Animal House all the way through. #NFconfessions
  5. I was adopted. #NFconfessions
  6. I’m a Rickie Fowler guy. #NFconfessions
  7. I use Adderall for its intended purpose. #NFconfessions
  8. I enjoy a nice cuddle sesh. #NFconfessions
  9. I attended a public high school. #NFconfessions
  10. I have student loans. #NFconfessions
  11. I thought Costa Del Mar was a place when I first heard it. #NFconfessions
  12. I’ve never been hunting. #NFconfessions
  13. I advocate safe sex. #NFconfessions
  14. I’ve never operated a boat of any kind. #NFconfessions
  15. Cocaine gives me anxiety. #NFconfessions
  16. I used to freestyle battle my boys in high school. #NFconfessions
  17. I’ve never had much of a relationship with my dad. #NFconfessions
  18. My parents are divorced. #NFconfessions
  19. My parents could never afford summer camp. #NFconfessions
  20. I can’t tie a bow tie. #NFconfessions
  21. I met my girlfriend on a mission trip. #NFconfessions
  22. I’m relatively healthy because I do cardio exercise regularly. #NFconfessions
  23. I give money to homeless people. #NFconfessions
  24. I’ve literally never played golf before, and I don’t own clubs. #NFconfessions
  25. I have never dipped. #NFconfessions
  26. I enjoy a nice hard cider. #NFconfessions
  27. I recently cut out beer from my diet to shed a few pounds. #NFconfessions
  28. I never had a fake ID. I simply waited until I was 21 to enter a bar for the first time. #NFconfessions
  29. I’ve never successfully shotgunned an entire beer. #NFconfessions
  30. I own multiple pairs of board shorts. #NFconfessions
  31. I drive a Subaru. #NFconfessions
  32. I only listen to rap and despise country music. #NFconfessions
  33. I drink vodka sodas regularly, despite there being beer and dark liquor readily available. #NFconfessions
  34. I’ve had a job pretty much since I was able to work. #NFconfessions
  35. I have no idea how to throw a football. #NFconfessions
  36. I think strip clubs are demeaning. #NFconfessions
  37. I was in 14 plays or musicals in high school. #NFconfessions
  38. I’ve never flown first class. #NFconfessions
  39. I can barely touch 240 off the tee. #NFconfessions
  40. I play Call of Duty with a headset on. #NFconfessions
  41. I had a cartilage earring and was the best rollerblader at my high school. #NFconfessions
  42. I like watching Premiere League soccer more than I like watching college football. #NFconfessions
  43. I married my high school sweetheart. #NFconfessions
  44. Oh, I’m married. #NFconfessions
  45. My car gets good gas mileage. #NFconfessions
  46. I had a system in my ’90 Jeep Cherokee. Two Rockford Fosgate 12s. #NFconfessions
  47. If I finish before she gets off, I’ll continue pleasuring her until she climaxes. #NFconfessions
  48. I make a conscious effort to consume less meat whenever practical, for environmental reasons. #NFconfessions
  49. I have a tattoo and I’m not always disgusted by girls who have them. #NFconfessions
  50. I can tell you the names and backstories of all the personalities on Bravo’s Below Deck, Vanderpump Rules, and all the Real Housewives. #NFconfessions
  51. I enjoy the NFL more than college football. #NFconfessions

To confess your NF qualities and be featured on next week’s column, submit it as a wall post. Be sure to add the hashtag #NFconfessions. All submissions will be kept anonymous.

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