GAINESVILLE — A week into being fully initiated brothers, the forty man fall pledge class of the Delta Rho fraternity is extremely disappointed with their current status within one of the largest Greek organizations on campus.
Expectations of a cozier, more laid back, labor free way of life were immediately dampened when the newly initiated members were told to pack up after ritual and clean the house spotless.
“I’m not entirely sure how I thought initiation would go down,” says freshman Dante Moretti. “Maybe some brews. Possibly popping champagne. A few ladies mixed in welcoming us into the brotherhood. But I didn’t think we’d be folding up chairs and tables and closing up shop ourselves.”
Many J.I.s share the sentiment, and don’t believe they have a meaningful voice in chapter.
“I opened a motion to talk about our philanthropy event to support kids dying of lymphoma and was immediately closed out for being a ‘buzzkill'” stated a befuddled Henry Franklin. “When I tried to explain that my little cousin was terminally ill from the disease, someone responded ‘What good will our money do him now?'”
“It’s been a total fucking let down,” voiced sophomore rush Timothy Jennings Jr. “It’s like when you’re a kid and you’re pumped up when your mom tells you she got Pop Tarts, but when you open up the pantry you see it’s the unfrosted strawberry flavor. And instead of milk, you have to drink it with tomato V8. Hmm…I think I just came up with the dietary options for the spring pledge classes’ hell week.”
And facing the brunt of this frustration is said spring pledges. With older brothers making little to no effort to familiarize themselves with the incoming class, the newly initiated members have found their outlet where they’re not only respected — but feared.
“It’s a tale as old as time,” articulated Delta Rho president Samuel Grimes. “When a child doesn’t get love from his parents or has an abusive, alcoholic father, what does he do? He takes out his anger and bullies someone younger and smaller at school. Eventually — when we’re all gone — they’ll become that asshole dad. It’s a vicious cycle, man.”.