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If you like hipsters, move to Portland. If you like barbecue, move to Kansas City. If you like being a filthy, degenerate alcoholic who’ll drink rubbing alcohol they ran through a Brita filter just to chase away their violent, Michael J. Fox-esque morning shakes, move to Knoxville, Tennessee. Why Knoxville? According to a recent study conducted by Sharecare, it’s the heaviest drinking city in America (first for men, fourth for women).
Knoxville’s title as the heaviest drinking city in America, while random, is certainly not surprising. A college town with little else to do seems like the perfect breeding ground for raging alcoholics. Sure, party cities like New Orleans or Austin are full of drinkers, but never underestimate the overwhelming need to drink to forget how miserable of a place you’re in. It consumes you.
Top 10 Heaviest Drinking Cities For Men
1. Knoxville, TN
2. Louisville, KY
3. Greenville, SC
4. Oklahoma City, OK
5. Portland, OR
6. Greensboro, NC
7. Jacksonville, FL
8. Las Vegas, NV
9. Cincinnati, OH
10. Nashville, TN
Top 10 Heaviest Drinking Cities For Women
1. Memphis, TN
2. Salt Lake City, UT
3. Jacksonville, FL
4. Knoxville, TN
5. Columbus, OH
6. Greenville, SC
7. Louisville, KY
8. Raleigh, NC
9. Cincinnati, OH
10. Oklahoma City, OK
A few thoughts on the list:
– Hipster bros must be crushing microbrews in Portland.
– Most of these cities fall under the “there’s nothing else to do but get blackout” category.
– Despite my affinity for drinking, the fact that Jacksonville makes both lists somehow makes it seem depressing, not fun. It’s the only one I feel that way about. God, that place sounds terrible.
– Salt Lake City coming out of nowhere for the ladies. To be fair, being a woman in Utah sounds awful. I’d drink heavily too. #SisterWifeStruggle
– Memphis is the number one drinking city for women, but makes the least heavy drinking cities for men. Not really sure how that works, but I guess the only non-tourists on Beale Street are the women and the little black kids doing gymnastics.
– The relatively short stretch of I-71 between Louisville and Cincinnati must be littered with empty beer cans and bourbon bottles. That is the most concentrated alcoholic area in America, according to this survey.