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National Signing Day Recap

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National signing day has come and gone, so I figured I’d give a quick recap of the top five recruiting classes for those of you who live under a rock. These rankings are based on ESPN’s rankings, so don’t cry if your team made it into the top five on another site. I promise, I don’t care about your tears.

1. Alabama

I’m sure you’re really surprised by the fact that Alabama got the no. 1 recruiting class. When your coach is Satan’s love child, there aren’t too many other coaches who can match up to that. Led by the no. 1 overall recruit, DE Da’Shawn Hand, this class will keep Alabama in the hunt for more national titles. Expect to hear “Roll Tide” all year from any Walmart or Dollar General you might go to.

2. LSU

There aren’t too many fan bases I can’t stand more than LSU. If spelling is your thing, you should hate LSU. I understand that you’re in a “French” state, but in case you didn’t know, it’s still in the good ol’ USA. For those of you scoring at home, it’s “go,” not “geaux.” Still, this is a loaded recruiting class, especially on the defensive side of the ball, so give some credit to the Mad Hatter. Regardless of this class, they’re still going to “bleaux” their way to a third place finish in the SEC West. The only thing I’m looking forward to seeing is if their tiger actually eats one of their fans this year.

3. Florida State

The defending national champions got a big class with a lot of playmakers to make up for the all of the skilled position players who went to the NFL. This team is still going to be led by Jameis Winston, so I think the more interesting thing to see this season is how many of these players end up in legal trouble. I’m setting the over/under at 6.5, but I feel like that’s criminally low.

4. Texas A&M

The only reason I’ve ever paid attention to Texas A&M is because of Johnny Football. Now that he’s not going to sign autographs and make college football more entertaining, I’m back to not caring about Texas A&M. They got the top quarterback prospect, Kyle Allen, but unless he starts Instagramming pictures of himself doing blow off of a stripper, he’s not going to be as entertaining as JFF.

5. Tennessee

Thirty-five players?! What did they do? Sign any player who was part of the NFL Play 60 program? This is a top five class based on numbers only. There’s a chance that there will be a few impact players, led by RB Jalen Hurd, but he didn’t play his senior year. But when the outside of your stadium looks like a garbage truck workers’ convention, you can’t really expect much else. Still, you will hear Rocky Top at least 156 times per game again, with 100,000 fans who look like the inside of a pumpkin.

Honorable Mention/What the Hell?: 20. Kentucky

You know you’re an SEC school when you win two games and can still land a top 20 recruiting class. When one of those wins is against the Fighting 2 Chainz (Alabama St.) and the other is against Miami (Ohio), you can’t really get much worse. Even if this recruiting class turns things around, I doubt Kentucky fans will care, because it’s not basketball season. At least there won’t be any riots in the streets because of football.

It’s pretty safe to say that the SEC continues to dominate all things college football.

Even with the BCS gone, I doubt there will be too many playoffs without an SEC team anytime soon. For the rest of you college football teams, all of your teams are 0-0, so maybe this is your year.

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Is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. Spends his spare time drinking Smirnoff Ices on the rocks, while listening to mixed CDs of Nickelback, Creed, and Lifehouse.

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