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A man (and, I assume, drug enthusiast) broke into Slice of Towson Pizza last weekend through a grill vent on the restaurant’s roof and, in the process, lost his sweatpants inside the vent before pulling himself into the store, ripping off his shirt, and going on a naked rampage that ended up costing the restaurant at least $3,000.
Somehow this seems like the best possible outcome for Slice of Towson Pizza. Yes, they lost three grand thanks to this mad man’s bad trip, but think about how much business they would have lost if he passed out in the vent and cooked to death the next morning or something. They’d be closed for a month at least, and then who wants to eat pizza from the place that cooked a guy to death? Not to mention they’d have the ghost of a guy in the middle of a terrifying acid trip haunting their store. That’s not going to be a subtle ghost. There will be many a thrown parmesan shaker. And forget using the bathrooms there. There’s just no coming back from that. This guy dipping his balls in a vat of marinara, or whatever, is the preferable outcome when you really think about it.
Regardless, Slice of Towson’s owner, Paul Rizas, is offering free pizza for life to the person who captures the angry naked bandit (incidentally, the name of the antagonists of a Home Alone sequel that I wrote and, subsequently, got me put on a watchlist).
Note to any would-be bounty hunters: based on this man’s actions he might not be afraid of death, may be on drugs, seems to be pretty drug strong, and will fight you naked. Is that worth a lifetime’s supply of pizza? Yes, of course. Just be careful.
[via The Baltimore Sun]