Mysterious And Elusive “Akron Pooper” Slips Through Cracks After Failed Police Manhunt

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

Mysterious And Elusive “Akron Pooper” Slips Through The Cracks After Failed Police Manhunt

Like the steaming piles of turd he has gingerly plopped onto the hoods and passenger seats of at least 20 vehicles in Akron, Ohio, the notorious “Akron Pooper” has slipped through the cracks.

Word of the crime has been swirling around the national media since the Akron Police Department launched a viral manhunt for the pooper two weeks ago in the hopes of catching him brown-handed. Despite the hard push, authorities have come up dry after thoroughly wiping the fifth-largest city in the toilet bowl that is Ohio.

From The Smoking Gun:

Despite a police appeal that triggered worldwide media coverage and a torrent of social media activity, the notorious “Akron Pooper” remains at large more than two weeks after his photo and details of his vile spree were widely publicized.

Asked today about the status of the investigation, Akron Police Department spokesperson Lt. Rick Edwards said, “We have received multiple tips on the pooper.” While investigators are “following up on each and every one of them,” said Edwards, cops “have not identified the suspect and no charges have been filed.”

Police reports state that the same vehicles have been hit multiple times. This means that the pooper, like his dastardly droppings, may have some beef.

Some victims have been repeatedly targeted, like the Dodge owner, whose car was attacked seven times over a four-month period.

Numerous Akron police reports include victim accounts detailing how their autos were pooped upon. One man, whose Toyota was hit twice, reported discovering human waste smeared on the car’s passenger door. While “The excrement did not cause any damage to the car,” cops noted, it “did cause a big mess.”

Authorities insist that they are still hot on the pooper’s smelly trail, but if a media shitstorm of national attention couldn’t bring the villain to justice, their chances of capturing the elusive Hiney Hooligan may have gone down the drain.

The Akron police poop hotline is awaiting tips at (330) 275-2552.

[via The Smoking Gun]

Email this to a friend

Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

14 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed