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If you haven’t at least heard of Fortnite by now you are probably a citizen of North Korea, part of the Amish community in Central Pennsylvania, or someone that actively goes out of their way to avoid human interaction. Whether you’re playing solo, duos, or squadding up with the boys, Fortnite never ceases to be a good time. The rush you get when you kill someone with one blast from a pump-shotgun is unparalleled, and when you finally see that “#1 Battle Royale” flash up on the screen after massacring a multitude of cartoon scrubs, your heart melts a little. It’s truly sublime.
This game has brought the nation together and has rekindled old bonds between “friends” who used to team up in Call of Duty back in high school, but it also has come with a cost. Kids are spending a couple Gs on their parents’ credit cards to buy the latest skins, guys are neglecting their girlfriends to drop in at Tilted Towers, and it’s absolutely taking over my life.
In the past month, I haven’t gone to class, shaved, showered, or left my apartment. I’m basically a meth head staying up for multiple days straight. I’m pretty sure my family and professors think I’m dead, and the kids I squad up with think we are an actual military unit. It’s getting bad. Real bad.
Last week was the wake-up call of my addiction. I decided it was time to go to class and somewhat put my life together after a month of being a caveman. Class was at 9:30 AM so I showered, ate some Fruit Loops, and headed out. As I was walking to the course I was paying thousands of dollars to go to, I felt proud of my accomplishment. It was a new day and I was ready to be a functioning college student again. As I opened the door I was immediately shook.
There were 5 kids at the front of a room doing a presentation, and every kid in the class was dressed in business casual attire. My teacher and fellow students looked as if they’ve seen Tupac’s ghost when they turned around and saw me. I took a walk of shame to a desk in the back of the room, and I started listening to kids spew about stuff that sounded like Pig Latin. I was truly taken back.
As I sat there in shame, the shiny glow of a Gold Scar danced around my head like Cardi B on a stripper pole. I was itching for Fortnite like Jordan Belfort itched for Quaaludes before a long flight, and I couldn’t take it anymore. Within 10 minutes of showing up to my first class in a month, I bolted out the door and went straight to my apartment.
A few hours later I received an email from my professor. Apparently, that group project was worth 20 percent of my grade and now I had no chance of passing his class. Since he would rather not have me in his class again, he is letting me do the project on my own but I have to complete it within the next week.
The odds I complete it are very slim, but a failing grade is on the line so I may have to take a break from my beloved game. Not to mention, I haven’t even checked in on the 4 other classes I’m enrolled in so more surprises are around the corner. But I can’t help myself. It’s all I think about. It’s all I dream about. It’s all I am about. Fortnite has defined me as a human being, and I can’t imagine an existence without it..
Image via Youtube