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The following story may have had names, places and dates changed to preserve certain reputable characters from losing their fancy new jobs. But know this: Every detail is true.
It was 9 a.m. before I’d decided to peek my head out of the covers, only to be instantly blinded by the intensely bright Mexican sun pouring through the open window. It seemed Victor was already at the bar while the rest of us were wondering if anyone got the license plate of the truck driver that ran us all over last night.
I managed to stagger downstairs to breakfast with Marsh and King in tow. As we plopped down into our booth, Victor joined us, cocktail already in hand. Just as we were about to order, we hear a female voice in an American accent call out, “Hey Marsh! Hey boys! What’s going on?”
I turned and looked at my friends, who stared back at me just as confused. Realizing that no one had any idea who this girl was, we were about to pull the classic, “Hey you!” when out of left field Marsh comes in with the save.
“What’s good, Sarah?”
Well now I’m curious as to what’s going on, and how he knows this chick. Marsh took the liberty to fill in the rest of us. Apparently, after our fiasco with Tire Iron, we ended up at the bar with our boy Manny. As we continued to drink, Victor ended up forcing the entire bar to do tequila shots. There were so many people that Manny ended up running out of shot glasses, so he just started taking cups and glasses and filling them up halfway with Jose Cuervo Gold, passing them all out to everyone in the entire lobby. Needless to say, we were blackout soon thereafter, or something that I like to refer to as the lighthouse effect. Lights on, nobody home. It was allegedly during this time that we met Sarah and her friends.
I turn to look at the table where Sarah, this blue-eyed bubbly blonde, is sitting and that’s when I see her. This dark haired vixen, sitting in the corner. Brunette hair? Check. Shades on indoors at 9 in the morning? Double check. This girl is my kind of party. That’s when I notice the nice new hickey she’s sporting on the side of her neck. This was my first impression of Becky. I could already tell she had a fiery side to her.
Minutes after meeting these two and bonding over our pain from the tequila the night before, some rando comes strolling over to our table and informs Becky in front of everyone that he left his room key in her room. Well, the mystery of the hickey was solved. Becky, embarrassed, leaves to go help the guy out while the rest of us made plans to hang out for the day.
One of the perks that we had signed up for on this trip was free drinks at different bars away from the hotel every day. The special for this day was free hunch punch at Señor Frogs. We made plans to meet up at noon and walk to the bar together, and from there went back to the room to begin what would become our ritual for the day.
We all stopped by the bar to grab our morning drink of choice. I ended up going with the classic Paloma. King rolled us a beautiful joint as Victor prepared the bumps, which progressively turned to gator tails on this glass table we had in our room. I believe the rule went puff, puff, bump. After getting our shit together for the day, we were ready to head out to the pool area and check out the beach.
While at the pool, we immediately began making new friends as Victor was announcing to anyone within earshot that we had the white girl, and was offering free samples left and right. This guy who looks straight out of Jersey Shore takes him up on the offer, so we walk him up to the room. While Victor is getting it ready, the guy starts asking us questions about the coke, and when he found out we were moderately new to the stuff he says, “If this coke is good, I’m not gonna be able to feel my tongue.”
“Dude… I can’t feel my face.” We had our first customer.
By noon, we had hooked up half the hotel with either greenery or ski slopes after making a few trips down to the taxi stand. Turns out, every cab driver was a drug dealer. Tire Iron just happened to have the best stuff. We were officially the plug for the hotel.
Noon rolled around and Sarah, Becky, and their cute Asian friend Shannon met up with us and we headed out to Señor Frog’s. Now if you’ve never been to Señor Frog’s in Cancún, you need to know that there is a slide that goes from the top of the bar, across the room, and dumps you out into the ocean next to the bar. After an hour of throwing back hunch punch, we were all pretty much on our level. All of a sudden, the need to ride the slide hit me. To get the ball rolling I ripped off my shirt and raced over to the ladder that led to the top of the slide, my friends close behind me. I threw myself head first down the slide and after a short trip and a quick dip, I was blasted into the Gulf of Mexico. I swam out of the way as the rest of my crew came tumbling out of the slide. As we swam over to shore, the girls were laughing and smiling. That’s when it happened.
“Y’all wanna go on the slide?”
No one remembers who said it, but one thing is in consensus. None of them had any swimwear on. That didn’t stop these girls from stripping down to their lace bras, a couple thongs and one impressive G-string. We watched in awe as one after the other went down. Hot girls were seemingly falling from the sky into the bay in front of us.
What a time to be alive.
After spending the afternoon with the girls, we arrived back at the hotel around 7 o’clock. Failing to realize exactly how intense the sun is in Mexico, we thought SPF 15 would be sufficient for the day. Hindsight was 20/20 as I stared into a mirror at my lobsterfied body. I looked like the Kool-Aid guy had a human child that grew up. Everyone else had faired just as bad. That’s when I knew I needed a nap.
I left them at the bar, went up to the room and found King already passed out in the other bed. I had been just on the fringe of sleep when Marsh and Sarah came busting into the room in a full-on make out frenzy. When he realized that the beds were occupied, he did the only logical thing and utilized the bathroom sink. It was about a minute in when the first screams were heard.
“HOLY SHIT. That fuckin hurts!”
A minute later, another yelp. At this point I’m wondering what the hell is going on and that’s when the two of them come out of the bathroom, still nude. They are both fire engine red and I can see they are in pain. It seems the sunburn was too much so they grabbed a bottle of aloe vera and went back to the bathroom. Another 20 minutes goes by and Marsh and Sarah reappear, this time fully dressed. Marsh walked her out just as Victor was returning to the room.
With everyone back together, King gets up from the bed and walks over to the dresser. He pulls back the top drawer and retrieves a perfect joint.
“Care to join me, gentlemen?” King asked, as he walked out to the balcony overlooking the ocean.
The four of us sat on our balcony and smoked that J, staring out into the sea looking forward to the night ahead..