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MTV’s ’90’s House’ Is Reality TV Trash And I Absolutely Love It

mtv 90's house

Last night was the premier of MTV’s newest reality show, 90’s House. In a few words, it’s the bastard child of Real World and Big Brother thrown into a ’90s time machine. Contestants live in a house where everything from the furniture, to the decor, to the technology takes you back to the time of Zack Morris and the Fresh Prince. Each week, there will be a competition to decide who gets eliminated from the house. The last contestant standing will be crowned with a prize package that includes a multitude of goodies, highlighted by $90,000 cash.

First off, let’s recognize that we have seen this format before; there is really nothing special about it. This premise is a recycle of its ancestors with an only slightly different theme. This is how reality TV is nowadays. You’re an idiot if you can’t see the other decades’ spin-offs coming from a mile away. However, the true test of any reality show is not its premise, but rather its characters.

As viewers, we want our shows to have an equal balance between people who we can root for and villains to despise. The degree of conflict between these two groups will determine how good a show can be.

Lucky for us, 90’s house has some off-the-charts, polar-opposite characters.

Here is a brief synopsis of some of my favorites as of night one.

Mark

He is the token nerd of the group. There is a 1,000% chance that this dude would have been getting stuffed in lockers on the daily if he actually went to school in the ’90s. This poindexter couldn’t get through one episode without crying like a little bitch after being chirped by the mean girls. What a loser! Or so we thought…

Turns out that our guy Mark is actually a sneaky, manipulative nerd. While we were laughing at him, he was actually playing us because his crying was fake. To reinforce his stereotype as the weakest link, he has decided to play the emotional, insecure mess that everyone already thinks he is. It is his belief that gaining sympathy for crying as much as possible will force his housemates to not totally hate his trash personality. I don’t like this guy, but can’t hate the gamesmanship.

Sha-Monique

She’s the mean girl. Think “ex-girlfriend that will burn your house down and laugh while she’s doing it.” It’s her way or the highway, and you better accept that. She’s kind of a poser, though. She tries to be a villain, but her style of aggression makes it seem inauthentic. If you have to tell us that you’re a savage, then you’re probably not actually about that life. Turn it down a bit.

Stephen Curry’s Cousin

Her name is lost on me because literally the only thing interesting about this girl is her relationship to the Warriors star. She could not namedrop her famous kin fast enough, even going so far as to include the severely less famous Seth Curry. Trying her best to come hot out the gate, she felt it notable to mention that she is “unemployed and don’t give a shit.” Also, she definitely hinted that her famous cousin has had to throw her some cash in the past. Not the best way to represent yourself.

Patrick

In ’90s talk, this guy is the locker-stuffer. He eats nerds for breakfast. He doesn’t just think he’s better than you; he knows it.

Patrick is in the game for pussy; it’s why he’s here, and there’s plenty of it. His eyes are locked solely on beauty queen Sierra, who is a total babe. He’s so into her that, even though they barely know each other, she could ask him to go on vacation with her to a third-world country and he’d be all in (CC: Dan).

Watch for a showmance in the making.

Prince

Prince had a fire intro in which he made clear he isn’t going to take no shit. Named something different at birth, he changed his name when he was younger to “Prince” because he’s a “royal bitch.”

Early signs have me drafting Prince for number one villain. All the traits are there: loud, abrasive, and most importantly authentic. I can see the fire in his eyes, and it tells me he’s bought into the process of playing the heel; Prince is willing to sacrifice his likability for the good of the show. Previews show him having a major blowup on the rest of the house, and I for one cannot wait for that shit.

If you’re into trash television like me, check out 90’s House every Tuesday at 10:00 p.m. EST on MTV. This isn’t an ad; I just really love this stupid shit.

Image via MTV.com

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Dent

Washed Up Former Athlete. Totally over my ex-girlfriend. I hold the distinct honor of being the only player in my school's history to receive a football scholarship without being able to bench 225 lbs.

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