Columns

Monday Afternoon Bump: Destined To Win

joker

Another week, another opportunity to win. Get ready to carve out your piece of the pie, because you can bet your ass some other clown is hot on your trail ready to scoop what’s meant for you if you’re slow to act. Head on a swivel, son. It’s a new day in America, the land of opportunity. Will you take what’s rightfully yours? It’s now or never. Seize the afternoon, you naughty little bitch.

The park is open 24/7 365. Buy the ticket, take the ride. Do the bull dance. Feel the flow. Work it. Are you tired? Suck it up, pussy. Tom Hanks was probably tired when he was storming the beaches of Normandy or fending off Somali pirates aboard the Maersk Alabama, but that didn’t stop him. Did he die at the end of Saving Private Ryan? Wrong answer. Legends never die. Rise above the fatigue. Get your mind right. Come correct.

You feel that twinge down in your plums? That’s destiny calling. Pick up the phone. Don’t let it go to voicemail.

Every Monday, we post unrivaled inspiration to get you ready for the week. Check back next Monday for another shot of adrenaline to the dick.

Email this to a friend

Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

8 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More