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There are two things America has always been great at: winning wars and winning sports. We’re red, white, blue, and better than you at any athletic activity; you name it. Everything from basketball to baseball to even sailing (they call it “America’s Cup” for a reason).
Well, there is one exception: soccer. We suck at soccer, all things considered. The rest of the world calls it “football,” but we sucked at it so bad we changed the name and created our own version with our own rules so we could be good at it. The only thing close to our version of football is that cheap Canadian imitation of the NFL, and that’ll never compare. Most Americans only notice soccer exists twice every four years: when the USMNT loses in the World Cup, and when the women’s team wins the World Cup. For everyone else, Major League Soccer exists (if you can call it that) for them to cheer for and pretend it’s an “elite” league.
I’ve watched a grand total of 20 minutes of MLS in my life including the below clip, which was the highlight of them all.
Toronto’s Jozy Altidore scored a goal in a game against Atlanta United, which prompted an Atlanta fan to throw a half-empty beer down at him. Another Toronto player, Sebastian Giovinco, picked up the beer, chugged it, and threw it back into the stands.
Giovinco, whose name sounds like something you’d order at an Italian restaurant, truly embraced that moment and made it his. Being known as “dude who chugged beer on the field” is the second best reputation for an MLS player to have, after “doesn’t cry at the slightest on-field injury.”
Eat, drink, and be merry — that seems to be the lifestyle of the MLS. If that happens more often, I might actually give a full game a watch..
Image via Shutterstock