Mixers > Open Parties

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On Greek Row, there are two types of fraternities: those who throw massive, thousand-people-deep rage fests, and those who stick to the bread and butter of Greek life, mixers between fraternities and sororities. Sure, there’s a time and a place for both on the social calendar, but in America, you’re either with us or against us. Bottomline: if your house is all about open parties, you’re not only doing it wrong, but you probably sympathize with al-Qaeda.

There is a reason that top tier houses by-and-large prefer mixers over open parties. Deaf, sweaty, and fist-pumping to Swedish House Mafia next to hundreds of random dudes is no way to go through life, son. Give me a quality mixer over a freshmen-filled Geedapalooza any day of the week.

Mixers Are Measuring Contests

Whether you admit it or not, half the fun of courting houses for Homecoming, semi-formals, or even just a Wednesday night mixer is rubbing your sheer awesomeness in the face of your rival across the street while they’re stuck having a middle school dance party.

Competition and one-upmanship built this damn country. Conversely, where’s the competition with an open party? What fraternity’s basement can pack in the most muscle shirts? Whose hour-long line stretching around the block is more impatient? Which risk manager has had to talk to police more? GDI, please.

Open Party Themes Are Terrible

Frankly, when you have a giant crowd full of strangers, you sell yourself short theme-wise. You can’t have random creeps playing Marriage and Divorce. The logistics rule out Around the World. ABC becomes an instant no-go because everyone wants to hop parties. And so, what are you left with? A damn highlighter party. LOLOLOL RAGE.

Enough With The Techno Music, you GDIs

The open party dance floor is the definition of miserable. So much more beat selection with mixers. You can dust off some country, throw on a little Hall & Oates, maybe even throw in your house’s de facto anthem (Michael Jackson’s Free Willy theme for this guy) in between techno crap without the people revolting.

Why Would You Want Random Dudes In Your House?

Risk managers might as well pass out fliers that read, “Hey, come on in! Steal my stuff Jack me in the face! Pull my fire alarm!”

At the end of the day, open party or mixer, the goal is essentially the same: pre-gaming and getting a crew of guys and girls together for the bar. You don’t need any stress to divert your attention from that fundamental task. But if some stuff does go down, welp, I guess all you can do is make the pledges will deal with it in the morning.


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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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