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Mitt Makes Power Move To 47% of Country: “You Can’t Sit With Us”

Big government leaches all around the country are up in arms about a series of sound clips that have appeared on the internet that features Governor Mitt Romney reaffirming his all-around awesomeness. Secretly recorded at your everyday, casual, millionaires-only closed-door meeting, the tapes are being described by some in the liberal media as the death knell of the Romney campaign. The people making said premature predictions are morons who fail to see the bigger picture: Mitt Romney swings big dick.

What Mitt said:

“There are 47% of the people who will vote for the President no matter what. Alright, there are 47% who are with him, who are dependent on government, who believe that they are victims, who believe government has the responsibility to care for them, who believe they are entitled to healthcare, to food, to housing.…My job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.”

Why Libs are pissed:

Because 47% of the people in this country ARE dependent on government, DO believe they are victims, and are otherwise giant vaginas.

How did Romney arrive at 47%?

According to the Tax Policy Center, 46.4% of American tax filers pay zero or negative income tax.

Now, granted, the number of people who pay virtually no taxes is largely a result of tax cuts, exemptions, and deductions that were enacted under Reagan and Dubya. And when you take into account state and payroll taxes, that number drops all the way to less than 18%. And sure, considering that most of his investment wealth is taxed as capital gains, it’s likely that Romney pays a minuscule amount of taxes, if he pays anything at all.

But that’s not the point. Politics in 2012 is about sound bites, and you can’t fit all of that liberal statistical mumbo jumbo onto a bumper sticker.

So, let’s keep it simple, instead. 47% of Americans are freeloaders who don’t pay taxes, and are just as responsible for the death of freedom as the terrorists are.

Why It’s a Power Move:

82% of the scumbags sucking on the IRS’s nipple live in households with incomes lower than $33,500. Amongst these low-lives, Barry has a 15% lead in the polls.

Digging deeper, this trend continues. Pelosi and Pals get 63% of the welfare recipient vote, 67% of food stampers, 74% of those on Medicaid, and 81% of those in public housing.

Mitt knows that he’ll never win the vote of the morally (and financially) bankrupt. So, how does Romney respond? By going on the counter-attack like a champion, and preemptively telling them he doesn’t want their vote. POWER MOVE.

Basically, Mitt’s like the guy who knows that he can’t close with a certain girl, so instead, he convinces himself that the girl’s a whore anyways after she turns him down, and then he spends the rest of the evening telling his buddies that she’s a raging slut. And because he does this, people think that he’s an asshole. Why? She IS a whore! I mean, just look at her stupid face.

Not only is what Mitt’s doing a power move, but it’s also pretty fucking genius. We give credit to companies like Grey Poupon for doing the same exact thing all the time. We even call it “brilliant marketing.”

Same deal here. A vote for Mitt Romney means you’re now part of an exclusive club. And the more exclusive that club is, the cooler that club is to belong to, and the more you’ll want to join. Years of watching Mean Girls marathons on TBS has taught me this.

By driving the vote of poor people right back into the hands of the Left (especially the Reagan Democrats, some of whom are probably just as sick of President Obama as their upper-middle class countrymen are), Mitt’s dropping down the ultimate gauntlet: “Sorry, half of the country, but you can’t sit with us. These seats are reserved for the 6% of swing voters.”

And who knows. By the time November rolls around, and the only person still allowed to sit at the Governor’s table IS Mitt Romney himself, maybe this will only make everyone else want to vote for him more.

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