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Miramar Beach Officials Try Desperately to Keep College Kids Away This Spring Break

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Spring Break is always my favorite time of the year. The sun, the sand, the firebombing of cars…

…wait, back up. What?

During Spring Break, there were three cars in the neighborhood firebombed,” she said. “Gangs of young people trashed 30A. There was a lot of property damage and it was expensive to repair.”

Huh. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit on break, things that will probably cost me an eventual run at a political office, John Edwards style, but firebombs? Who are we? Moderately disenfranchised French youths? Firebombing shit is for European anarchists.

C’mon guys. I love to see shit broken and reduced to a desolate post-fratpocalyptic wasteland of Solo cups, empty handles, ruined dreams and destroyed reputations, but firebombs? I’m sure the community is probably overreacting though. Roving gangs of teenagers only exist in jaded youth political movements and West Side Story .

From the town hall meetings they’ve held, they mostly seem interested in quelling the tide of the 50 or more friends we each seem to invite over to our places during breaks. It sort of makes sense. Some of these places actually do have real adults that live there when we aren’t shambling through town in a drunken haze, like some kind of temporary Gulf Coast zombie plague. They might have kids, whom they probably don’t want seeing people outside their window pissing in their bushes. I get that. Also, not all of them seem to be suggesting we be rounded up and put in rager internment camps, so we don’t want to push those people into the camp of “Fuck it, arrest them all!”

The biggest solutions just seem to be better enforcement of underage citations, and evicting people for lease violations. Pretty standard. They arrested 500 people last year, which is significant, but I imagine PCB and the neighboring parts of Destin get more arrests than that.

Now, I’d be a hypocrite if I said you all should take it easy on SB 2013, because I’m going down to PCB with the intention to fuck shit up. Probably my liver and reputation, mostly. That said, let’s avoid directly and intentionally antagonizing the locals. It’s the Florida pan handle, and they have a shotgun surplus, plus they’re probably more than a little trigger happy with the amount of trauma they undoubtedly witness every Spring Break season.



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