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Mike Tyson Was The Greatest Trash Talking Athlete To Ever Grace This Earth

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Lately, the world has been hyping up the Mayweather-McGregor fight like crazy. It’s understandable with these two megastars facing off in the ring. I’ve already written about how this fight seems like the most pointless thing since fidget spinners, but that’s a different conversation for a different time already had.

A huge part of the buildup to this match has been all the trash talk. Trash talking is one of my favorite parts of the fight game. It’s fun, it’s theatrical, it’s funny, and overall it’s just super entertaining to watch. Some, generally older, people hate when athletes are cocky and in your face, but I love it.

But where do these two stack up in sports trash talking history? Recency bias would put McGregor up with the top echelon of shit spitters for most, but for me the king of cutting to the fiber of one’s manhood with words was and always has been Mike Tyson.

Tyson is a lot of things. A cultural icon. A convict. One of the greatest and powerful boxers to ever put the gloves on. One of the most dominant athletes ever. He has one of the funniest voices of all time. He was in The Hangover movies, he has his own cartoon on Adult Swim, and he arguably has the most regrettable tattoo in American history.

Now a lot of people would say Muhammad Ali is the king of trash talk. And Ali is a close second, but he’s inferior to Tyson as a trash talker because Ali had the audacity to have his trash talk make sense. Tyson’s trash talk was the weirdest, most confusing thing we’ve ever seen. It was hilarious and terrifying at the same time, and it almost never made sense.

Keep in mind, Iron Mike was out of his mind in the ’90s. He’s cleaned up his act and repented, but not before dropping the most beautiful quotes in sports history.

Keep in mind, these are all 100 percent real Mike Tyson quotes. I found these Socratic words buried in easy-to-find Youtube videos. They’re all from the ’90s, presumably in moments of incompressible, murderous rage. Imagine these in that signature lisp for maximum effect.

“I’ll put your mother in a straightjacket.”

“I’ll eat your asshole in the lobby, bitch.”

“I’ll fuck you ‘til you love me, son.”

“I want your heart.”

“I’m gonna gut him like a fish.”

“I’ll fuck you in the ass in front of everybody.”

“I wish one of you guys had children so I could kick them in their fucking head and stomp on their testicles.”

“I was going to rip his heart out.”

“I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.”

And, my personal favorite:

“I’ll eat your children. Praise be to Allah.”

Next time you think a modern athlete is a “good trash talker” just remember that we once saw an athlete threaten to eat another athlete’s children on live TV. Respect.

Image via Shutterstock

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Wally Bryton

TFM's most beloved writer

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