======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
*UPDATE 7/3/17, 11:35 CST*
The paddle has been sold. That was fast.
I’ve developed a minor addiction to eBay. In the boringness that is my post grad life, eBay has become a gateway drug to me buying things I can’t afford. I start off looking at sports memorabilia, next thing I know I almost bought an authentic pirate ship and a live panda from China. Yesterday, while browsing the online auction site in between not putting my degree to good use and watching hour 17 of SportsCenter, I found its holy grail: Mike Pence’s signed FIJI pledge class paddle.
Vice President Pence was a FIJI at Hanover College (check out his composite photo here), and without a doubt this has to be the coolest presidential fraternity paddle since George Washington’s (the one he carved out of that cherry tree). Full disclosure: we’re not 100% sure this is Mike Pence’s pledge class paddle, but that seems to make the most sense given the context. The eBay listing says that the paddle (which is being sold as part of a set) was found at a Goodwill store, and that the Mike Pence signature on it has been certified.
Who in their right mind would bring anything from a fraternity house to Goodwill? Don’t get me wrong; Goodwill is a great organization that helps people, but it’s more of a “let me donate these old clothes and this furniture to those less fortunate” charity, not a “let me donate my only-meaningful-to-me Greek memorabilia from undergrad” charity.
Completely unrelated, but just imagine Mike Pence as a fraternity undergrad. At a frat party, I imagine Joe Biden would be the one swinging from the chandelier. Trump would be in the corner, bragging about his sub-par accomplishments on the school’s D-3 golf team to the hot foreign exchange student. Meanwhile, Mike Pence would be the one running around as a sober monitor taking beer out of brothers’ hands at 11:45 p.m. while handing out pamphlets about abstinence.
If you want to own a piece of star-spangled awesomeness the starting bid’s $299.99. Buy it here..
Image via eBay/1980turbotransam