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McDonald’s Is Playing Late-Night Classical Music Because Your Drunk Ass Can’t Behave

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“Wow, this place is really classy,” is a phrase that’s never been muttered when looking for munchies at 3 a.m. after a night fueled by cocaine, drinking, and more cocaine. In fact, it’s scientifically proven that “I wanna fight that guy because I hate his face” will be said more than 50,000,000 times this year in similar settings. McDonald’s, however, is hoping you’ll keep that riff raff out of their classy establishments.

A fairly new test being implemented by McDonald’s locations in Scotland, England and Australia calls for playing classical music — your usual Mozart, Bach, Beethoven and such — to calm your liquor-fueled shenanigans. Supposedly those drunken fights that include tossing chairs a quarter-mile and simply waltzing behind the counter to help yourself to unlimited fries (not one of those all-you-can-eat buffets it turns out) aren’t just problems that just Mickey D’s in the states deal with. McChickens just get people all crazy so Beethoven’s here to bring you down a notch.

The Sun (UK):

McDonald’s told us the music is intended to create a calming atmosphere in order to counteract any rowdy shenanigans from customers.

A spokesperson for McDonald’s said: “We have tested the effects of classical music in the past and played it in some of our restaurants as it encourages more acceptable behaviour.”

“Typically, classical music would be played from early evening onwards and, in some cases, on certain nights in a small number of restaurants.”

Whatever it takes to drive the PIKEs out of the local McDonald’s establishment is fine by me.

However, not sure if I completely understand the logic here as my boy Bach goes harder than Drake ever could imagine. Pop a few Mozart records on the turntables at the club and see what happens. You’ll be bumping and grinding ‘til the morning comes.

I accept your challenge, Mickey D’s. I shall get violently drunk this weekend, visit your establishment and punch people to the sweet, sweet sounds of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Elegant.

[via The Sun (UK)]

Image via Shutterstock

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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