I wish they aired bullfighting in America. A family should be able to gather ‘round the warm glow of the television with excitement in their hearts and a plate of burgers in their laps to watch their favorite athletes bleed and scream and die in the sand. But no — if we want to see someone grievously wounded in a horrific accident on live television, we have to settle for watching a bunch of hicks turn left for four hours, praying for someone to collide into a wall, or for Tony Stewart to snap and run someone over.
Unfortunately, bullfighting in America is as dead as the bulls forced to compete are. It’ll never happen because the hypocrites at PETA say it’s cruel and unusual.
“Somebody help that poor bull!”
*euthanizes 10,000 puppies*
Come to think of it, bullfighting and NASCAR have a lot in common: both rely on the threat of human maiming for success. Think about it. Unless you fingered your cousin on prom night, you don’t hear about NASCAR until there’s a major crash. Unless you live in Latin America or Spain, you don’t hear about bullfighting until someone gets gored.
Well, guess what? Someone just got gored. In the neck. The footage is fucking savage.
— Gaceta de Salamanca (@LaGacetaSA) August 16, 2015
The brave matador is a man named Jiménez Fortes, and this is his eighth goring in two years. People are saying he should give up after being gored so many times in such a short timespan. They say he should just throw in the big red towel because he clearly sucks dicks at bullfighting. I say fuck the haters, Fortes.
If anything, the man is an inspiration. He is a (barely) living, breathing example of persistence and overcoming.
Besides, if this guy calls it quits, ratings will be trampled. Fortes gives the people what they tune in for: graphic footage of people being gutted like livestock by, well, livestock..
Image via YouTube