Porn is man’s oldest form of entertainment. While there are no cave paintings of The Drew Carey Show, the amount of cavewoman titties on the walls of prehistoric frat-castles is astounding. A recent number crunch by PornHub has determined what Americans like to get their rocks off to on a state to state basis. Here are the results.
No surprise that hot clam on clam action is the dominant term in more than half the states. A few surprises are apparent, though.
• Hawaii, despite having a huge population of real life Asians, is all about some Asian porn. I’m not sure if this is an ego thing or if everyone down there still really hates white folks.
• “Step Mom” pops up in five states while MILF is only featured in one. Apparently the good people of Washington, Alabama, South Dakota, New Hampshire, and Kentucky (HA!) have a serious Oedipus complex instead of wanting to just bang the hot older neighbor. Stay strong, Rhode Island.
• Despite being a huge fan of cartoons, I don’t see what’s up with cartoon porn. That stuff gives me the heebie-jeebies. Tennessee, Nebraska, and Vermont need some therapy. Still better than the “Step Mom” thing, though.
• Georgia and Mississippi are down with the term “Ebony” while Louisiana just comes out and says “Black.” Not sure of the difference there, but take THAT, people who say the South is all intolerant and such.
• In the same vein with “Step Mom” is Step Sister, except maybe a little worse? Stop wanting to bang your relatives, people. At least that particular jolly only goes as far south as Ohio.
• The US of A seriously loves lesbian porn.
So, the next time someone tries to start a political argument with you, just ask what kind of porn they watch. There’s a 64% chance you’ll end up agreeing on something. Porn: bringing America together one search at a time..