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It looks like one Houstonian has been around the block a few times…or maybe just once.
One Reddit user going by the username uhcougars1151 posted a picture of his Uber e-reciept last night for what must have been the shortest Uber ride ever: he went just 95 feet, circling the block to arrive just steps from where he started. The damage: $4.28.
Confession time: I was uhcougars1151’s Uber driver that night. Even though I’m interning full-time here at TFM Headquarters, my payment of saltines, titty-twisters, and anal probing doesn’t even come close to putting a dent into my living expenses. Because of this, I’ve been moonlighting as an Uber driver in Houston. It’s actually put me into an even bigger financial hole as of now, seeing as I had to drop four hundo on a fake ID that says I’m 23 (the minimum age to be an Uber driver) and I also have to make the three hour drive from Austin to Houston. It’ll all pay off in the long run, though–especially if I keep tricking guys into paying fares like this.
You see, I’ve made a game out of taking my customers on the longest possible routes to their destination. I once drove around a roundabout so many times that I got dizzy and puked all over my PT Cruiser’s dashboard. Totally worth it, though. That extra distance added $5 onto the fare–passenger didn’t know what hit him (besides those partially digested Jack In The Box tacos). When uhcougars1151 hopped in my cab blackout drunk and asked me to take him the 10 feet to his house, I did what I had to do. I popped my car into reverse and drove right around the block. What a sap.
That said, if you get an Uber in Houston this weekend and see the driver has a PT Cruiser and is named The DeVry Guy, I’d avoid it at all costs. I’d avoid all PT Cruisers, really. Most people can’t handle them.
Image via Imgur