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Man Tries to Rob the UF Kappa Alpha House Mom, Things Do Not End Well for Man

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A note to desperate men everywhere trying to steal costume jewelry and pawn it to fund your meth addiction: Do not fuck with The Order.

An Ocala man was arrested early Thursday morning after he was spotted in the private bedroom of a woman who is the house mother for a University of Florida fraternity whose members chased and held him until police arrived, according to an arrest report.

That must have been fun. Few things are more satisfying than a drunken citizen’s arrest.

Taylor is accused of entering the woman’s bedroom through a balcony, which required him to climb onto a fenced deck that is about five feet off the ground, the report states. The room is attached to the fraternity house.

The woman awoke because her dog was barking. She saw Taylor in the doorway and screamed, the report states. Taylor ran and was chased by fraternity members, who caught him nearby and held him.

Good thing she lived in a fraternity house. If that house mom had been living by herself the burglar probably would have just snapped her dog’s neck and then strangled her before pillaging as many valuables as he could. At least that’s what would have happened in all those CBS shows my parents watch.

I’m not exactly expecting Danny Ocean levels of savvy from a guy whose crimes are apparently foiled by a Pomeranian and a gang of alcoholics (now that’s a crime show I would watch), but there have got to be better places to rob than a fraternity house, right? And he broke in at 2:13AM! Half the house was probably still awake. Smooth. Maybe next time apply a little critical thinking to the advice provided by those meth demons you hear echoing in your head, chief.

Either way, well done KA.


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