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Man Tries To Get Assault Charge Dropped By Showing Victim His Penis

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This is a classic love story of man assaulting woman, woman filing charges, man showing woman penis in attempt to get said assault charges dropped.


A Tuscaloosa man was arrested Wednesday and charged with indecent exposure after he allegedly showed a woman his penis in an attempt to persuade her to drop assault charges she’d previously filed against him.

According to court documents filed Thursday, 32-year-old Wiley Lee Sanders was arrested last month and charged with third-degree assault. Sanders was arrested again Wednesday and charged with indecent exposure.

How does a man make it up to a woman he has so deeply wronged? Flowers? Chocolates? An acoustic cover of “Wonderwall”?

Nay. One cannot salvage a budding romance from an error of this magnitude with merely a gift from the heart. It has to be from somewhere far more special: the pants.

I imagine our Romeo standing beneath the balcony of the woman he loves, dick out, beseeching to her through the art of Shakespearean prose.

Dost thou charges remain to stand,
If I come to you,
Heart and dick in hand?
Lay thine eyes upon my cock,
And like my trousers,
Charges drop.
Oh, fair lady!
Why do you mock me so?
It’s cold outside, if you must know.

I’m surprised this didn’t work out for him.


Image via 6th Judicial Circuit State of Alabama

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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