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Man Steals Cop Car To Make A Beer Run Only To Get Apprehended By Buzzkill Vigilante

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It’s a new year and it’s time for everybody to really shoot their shot. Good or bad, launch that bad boy to the rim and see what happens. Do what you want to do. An impending nuclear war could decimate life as we know it at any second, so you might as well take some chances. On that note, in a weird way, I kind of admire this guy who lifted a police car only to be foiled while stopping by his local liquor store to pick up some 40s. He didn’t take a moment to stop and think about the consequences because he realizes that time is of the essence. 2018 is all about action, baby.

From Sacramento Bee:

Zachary Samaha, 22, allegedly stole a Sacramento Police Department squad car Saturday evening. Chris Marzan, a bystander who apprehended him, said the barefoot Samaha drove the car to A-1 Market Liquor off of Florin Road and was heading out of the store with a 40-ounce bottle of beer he had already opened.

This thought process fascinates me. First, Zach decides that jacking an unattended police car is a sound decision. Then he believes it would be wise to stop by his friendly corner store and grab a cold one. Two for two if you ask me.

The more fascinating thought process is not that of Zach but rather that of the man who apprehended our barefooted assailant. Chris Marzan is a regular old Joe Schmo from off the street, but that didn’t stop him from springing into action when the time called for it.

Marzan ordered Samaha to the ground and summoned officers, who soon arrived to take the young man to jail. Marzan said in an interview with The Bee on Sunday morning that he’s “kind of a magnet” for mayhem and has performed four or five other citizen’s arrests for domestic violence, driving under the influence and credit card theft.

“I don’t suggest anyone doing anything like this because if you don’t have the proper training or understanding of safety,” you could get hurt, he said. Marzan completed a public safety class in the ’90s and has worked in security over the years.

I stand corrected. One public safety class from 20 years ago and this guy is not messing around. He is the Dwight Schrute of Sacramento County, going around making citizens arrests to any unsuspecting criminals that cross his path. He even goes so far as to have a “safety kit” with handcuffs and other tools as well. Not to mention the dash cam that he keeps running just in case any antics are to arise.

I have long been of the belief that I do not want to ever be an eyewitness to any crime. It just seems like so much work: dealing with police and subsequent pestering from media. I’d just rather not fuck with any of it. Seems bothersome. So shoutout to this brave soul for stepping in and keeping the public safe. But I’m still shouting out both these men because win or lose, they’re taking risks. That’s something we all could learn from as we kick off 2018.

[via Sacramento Bee]

Image via Sacramento Police Department

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Dent is a washed up former athlete who swears he's totally over his ex-girlfriend. One of these days he'll get around to applying to a real job, but until then he'll keep pumping out lackluster articles while downing copious amounts of Natty Light.

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