Man Had Worst Valentine’s Day Ever When His iPhone Spontaneously Exploded In His Pocket

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I really don’t care how bad you think your Valentine’s Day was this year. If you were dumped or you ended up overpaying for a shitty dinner or you hated the movie you saw…whatever. There’s just no way you’ll ever be able to convince me your Valentine’s Day 2015 was even remotely close to as bad as Erik Johnson’s, who is from Lindenhurst, N.Y.

You know why?

Because the dude’s phone fucking BLEW UP in his pocket. As in exploded. As in an instantaneous fire engulfed his leg courtesy of a horrible stroke of luck that saw him become the unluckiest owner ever of a defective iPhone. Sure, we all have our common problems with our iPhones. Broken screen, inability to charge, bad service pretty much everywhere that isn’t near an Apple store — you name it, we’ve all lived with it.

Not this defect, though.

Johnson explained the downright terrifying incident to WTKR News:

“I bent over to get keys and all I heard was a ‘pop’ and after a little ‘ssshh,’ smoke coming out and just like an instant burn. My leg just starts going on fire, try to get it out, can’t get it out. I was literally jumping up and down to get the phone out of my pocket but I had dress pants on. I think the phone melted my pockets shut so I couldn’t get into it and I had to rip my pants off. A couple of people actually said they could smell my body burning.”

Holy. Shit. The poor guy spent 10 days in a burn unit, and unfortunately, the injuries he savagely sustained were made worse when the metal case he was housing it in literally started melting. To boot, the lithium battery in Johnson’s iPhone 5C became completely molten liquid as well before he could get his pants off. I seriously can’t imagine the pain.

What a way to have your Valentine’s Day ruined. I honestly think I’d rather be dumped than be subject to an exploding Apple device that induces what sounds like CIA-grade torture akin to when a Guantanamo interrogation doesn’t go as planned.

I seriously wouldn’t be able to bring myself to use another cell phone for pretty much ever if this happened to me, because I’d constantly have nightmares about the incident every single night.

God, I feel bad for Erik Johnson. Apple claims it is looking into the matter, and of course Johnson has retained legal counsel for the time being. If the matter proceeds with any legal ramifications, Johnson’s lawyers should totally run with the argument that all of Johnson’s future Valentine’s Days are scarred with this horrible memory. That kind of suffering and mental hardship definitely qualifies for an ample settlement.

[via WTKR 3]

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Ashley Schaeffer BMW

Ashley Schaeffer was a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move. If you thought he was a woman, he'll take that as a compliment, because he loves women. Wooh.

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