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This 41-year-old man from Columbus, Ohio is going to have a pretty tough week — not tough like he has an important business presentation to prepare for and deliver, but tough like he’s going to spend the week in bed recovering from injuries he inflicted upon himself that led to parts of his dick missing.
From USA Today:
Washtenaw County Sheriff’s deputies found the man naked and screaming after responding to a burglar alarm at Ypsilanti Middle School about 1 a.m. last Tuesday, Sgt. Geoff Fox said Monday.
The man was kneeling outside the school, bloody from the waist down, with parts of his genitals ripped off, Fox said. He said parts of the man’s body were transferred to the hospital with him.
For whatever reason, this has always been an irrational fear of mine. I’ve even expressed it to the guys in the office before.
Maybe I’ve read too much into headlines like this one, even as rare as they may be. Of course there was also that dude in Miami who ingested bath salts then got naked and started munching on a homeless dude’s face like a zombie. Then, there was a story an old professor told our class about some students who ingested a hallucinogenic plant that grew naturally on campus, went crazy, and began standing on coffee tables and diving head first into the concrete floors in the lobby of their dormitory.
I fear that if I take a hallucinogen, I’m going to start casually removing my own body parts with my bare hands and handing them to people calmly like they asked to borrow a pencil or something.
It’s weird, I know, but then I read about this man who started tearing apart his own dick after just taking some shrooms, a drug I’ve heard some pretty normal people say is a fun trip, and it makes me think my irrational fear may not be that irrational after all. I just don’t want to do anything that would put me at risk of losing my ears, my eyeballs, my appendages, or especially my business parts. They’re too much fun to have.
The man later told investigators he picked up hallucinogenic mushrooms earlier in the day while he was in town visiting friends in a neighborhood near the school. The man does not have a history of mental problems or extensive drug use, Fox said.
See? Just a normal dude trying out some shrooms. That could’ve been me, man.
[via USA Today]