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Man Does Buttstuff With Girlfriend, Takes Her To Japanese Steakhouse To Celebrate

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A couple recently posted this photo online:

Many people say this is a poorly planned engagement photo. But maybe this is a perfectly planned photo commemorating the couple’s first time having anal sex. Their first ride down the Hershey highway. The breaking of her behymen.

He probably pulled out of her butt vagina (which he noticed was shockingly tight and dry, even with proper lubrication), wiped a brown smear off the sheets, took his darling in his arms and said, “You know what, babe? That was really special. Let’s celebrate.” Then it was in the car and off to Fujiyama to watch an Asian man twirl metal spatulas and build those super badass onion volcanoes.

The meal is finished. But before Chang can hang up his oversized chef hat, our butthole hero slips him a five-dollar bill. Chang looks at the man. Then at the man’s girlfriend. Then back at the man. He nods knowingly.

Chang hollers for a waitress. “WE NEEDA MORE RICE-UH!” He begins whisking the pile of rice into neat, trim, sizzling lines. The woman looks confused. She said she was full. Then, her lips curl into a smile as she sees the final product.

“You shouldn’t have!”

The couple embraces. The other patrons clap. A single tear runs down Chang’s face.

After eating all that rice, I hope they waited a little while for round two.

Image via Shutterstock

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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