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Man Burns Down Neighbor’s House For Neglecting To Mow His Lawn

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This is what you would call “a bit of an overreaction.”

Look, I know it’s annoying when your lazy, ponytail-rocking neighbor refuses to cut his grass, and his lot becomes a fucking eyesore on the whole goddamn neighborhood, but the acceptable response to this problem is complaining to the homeowners association. This isn’t ‘Nam. This is America. There are rules. You can’t just go around lighting all of your problems on fire. Burning your neighbor’s crib down because he forgot to mow his lawn for a few weeks is almost as absurd as pulling a gun on a fellow bowler for stepping over the line.

“My grass was too tall for him,” said Corbitt. “I was going to cut it today, and then he set my house on fire.”

You were going to cut it today? You’re not fooling anyone, Corbitt. That’s the oldest trick in the book. When a kid’s mom rides his or her ass for not picking up his or her room, he or she responds, “Mom I was just about to clean it up!” You weren’t going to cut the grass today, and you weren’t going to cut it tomorrow. You were probably going to toke up with some of your hippie friends, and then cruise YouTube for trippy videos with one hand while feeding your 3-year-old daughter some organic peanut butter with the other.

Mr. Cornitt is just happy he got out of his grass cutting responsibilities. I can see it in his eyes. He doesn’t give a shit about his grandmother’s house; he’s just glad he doesn’t have to gas up the mower and do battle with that pathetic excuse for a lawn. I’m not saying that I endorse his batshit crazy neighbor’s response, I’m just saying that if Hank Hill was a real person, he’d kick this hippie’s ass.

[via Fox Atlanta]


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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

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