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Maine GOP Governor Calls Democratic Rival “Cocksucker,” Challenges Him To Armed Duel

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Maine’s GOP governor Paul LePage left a heated voicemail for Democratic Rep. Drew Gattine. LePage says Gattine called him a racist. Gattine denies it, claiming he merely said that the governor’s “racially charged” comments on how to solve their state’s heroin and prescription drug problem weren’t “helpful.”

Here’s the voicemail:

Here’s the transcript, per New York Daily News:

“Mr. Gattine, this is Gov. Paul Richard LePage,” the governor can be heard saying in a recording of the message obtained by the Portland Press-Herald. “ I would like to talk to you about your comments about my being a racist, you c–ksucker. I want to talk to you. I want you to prove that I’m a racist. I’ve spent my life helping black people and you little son-of-a-bitch, socialist c–kscuker. You … I need you to, just friggin. I want you to record this and make it public because I am after you. Thank you.”

But LePage wasn’t done there. He then challenged Gattine’s “snot-nosed” ass to a gentlemen’s duel:

“When a snot-nosed little guy from Westbrook calls me a racist, now I’d like him to come up here because, tell you right now, I wish it were 1825,” LePage said. “And we would have a duel, that’s how angry I am, and I would not put my gun in the air, I guarantee you, I would not be Hamilton. I would point it right between his eyes, because he is a snot-nosed little runt and he has not done a damn thing since he’s been in this Legislature to help move the state forward,” LePage said.

Love seeing politicians go in on each other.

I’m not going to get into the particulars of who is right and wrong in this situation. I’m not going to talk about how liberals have a knee-shaking orgasm every time a GOP politician suggests gun violence as a solution, either (though that probably doesn’t help the pro-gun movement too much).

All I’m going to say is that I really want armed duels to become a staple of American politics once again. Back in 1825, America had real men, wearing wigs and settling scores with their trigger fingers. None of this Twitter-war bullshit. Just men handling their shit like men.

Colonial bitches would watch in awe from their windows, fanning themselves with one hand and fingering themselves with the other, as two good ole boys lined up back-to-back, took a few paces, whipped around, and blasted their flintlock pistols in each other’s general direction, repeating the process until someone finally got hit. The winner went home to his lady’s freshly-cooked porridge and hominy. The loser took a dirt nap. That’s the America I want to live in.

You got called out, Gattine. You just gonna let LePage talk that mess and do nothing about it? Find your balls, find a gun, and hit the streets for a classic American showdown. You won’t.

[via New York Daily News]

Image via YouTube

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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