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Mailbag: Going To Vegas Over Thanksgiving, Entertaining Rushees, And Being The Butt Of Roommate Pranks

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Mailbag by visiting the archive.

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roommate pranks

Welcome to the TFM Mailbag, wherein I will answer your questions to the best of my ability. Send your questions to wescp4441@gmail.com. No topics are off limits.

Wes,
So I signed up for a trip to Vegas over Thanksgiving break back in February and still haven’t told my parents I plan on going. They’re bound to be against the idea, but there’s no way I’m backing out. How should I tell them, if at all? Thanks for the help!

Do not tell them. You have to at least disguise this as a spur-of-the-moment thing, which is what Vegas trips often are. It’s definitely a situation where asking for forgiveness is better than asking for permission. However, I’m just trying to figure out what your thought process is for your decision to go on a Thanksgiving Vegas trip. I can’t imagine anything sadder than being down $500 at a scummy casino while thinking of how disappointed your family is in you for skipping out on being with them. Enjoy that buffet turkey!

Hey Wes,

I was wondering if you have any ideas on how to entertain PNM’s at rush? My fraternity has come up with a chaw off, basketball/football tournament, slingshotting water balloons at the university’s buildings, beer olympics minus the whole beer part and a barbecue. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Chris

I spent way too much time trying to find out what a chaw off is, and here’s my guess: Two or more people pack a fat lip and see how long they can hold it without getting sick. As entertaining as this would almost certainly be, it doesn’t sound like something that should be done at a rush event (unless you go to Georgia Southern or whatever). The more I look at your list of proposed events, the less I understand what you’re going for. You’re probably risking some trouble by launching water balloons at university buildings, but you’re too cautious to risk being caught with beer at a rush event?

My recommendation is to select the most anonymous member of your fraternity for a special mission. Don’t lie, you have at least one guy who just isn’t memorable or notable in any way. Once you have your man, have him go through the first day of your school’s rush disguised as a PNM. Make sure he keeps a written log of what the cool and fun fraternities do for their rush events, and have him report back to you so you can base your events off of what the better fraternities are doing. You will be set back a day, but I’m guessing it won’t matter all that much anyway.

Wes,

Long time first time, blah blah blah. I moved into my fraternity house during the spring semester, and I was subject to all the usual new live-in pranks. I got my mattress flipped over, had every single item in my room turned upside down, and had all the beer in my fridge swapped out with non-alcoholic beer. These pranks haven’t stopped, and it’s getting very annoying having to worry about my room getting fucked with every time I’m out of the house for more than a few minutes. My door has a lock, but the locks are easy to pick with a credit card or bobby pin. I’m at a loss for what to do, and any advice would help.

Everyone has been in your situation at one time or another, but this sounds a little different. I’m trying to come up with a reason why the pranks haven’t died down with you, and I think I’ve got it: You’re more fun to prank than other people. Why would this be the case? Well, it all lies in your reaction. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you probably act like a trifling bitch when your room gets messed with, and all that does is make the pranksters want more.

Sure, you could change the your door’s lock, but this carries the gigantic risk of turning some light pranks into an arms race. If your room gets tougher to prank, it will just become a greater prize. The guys doing this are immature shitbags, and a stronger lock isn’t going to stop them for long.

My advice is to just grin and bear it when you walk into your room to find it filled to the brim with blow-up dolls. If the pranksters are going through all that trouble and getting no reaction, they’ll lose interest and move on to another target.

Remember to send any and all questions you have to wescp4441@gmail.com.

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WJ Cope

He's the real reason people say "No one likes you when you're 23."

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