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Mailbag: Summer Intern Hookups And Deciding Which Beer To Bring To A Party

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Mailbag by visiting the archive.

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mailbag final project beer

Welcome to the TFM Mailbag, wherein I will answer your questions to the best of my ability. Send your questions to wescp4441@gmail.com. No topics are off limits.

Yo Wes

Bear with me on this one. I was kind of seeing a girl for the last month or two of spring semester, and I’ve known for a while that she would be going to an internship on the West Coast for the whole summer. About a week before she left, she invited me over and wanted to talk to me about our relationship status going forward. I kind of panicked and suggested we leave things kind of open-ended for the time being and pick back up when she returned, and I could tell right away that she was disappointed and had been hoping I’d want to make it official.

She’s going to be interning at a research lab with around 15 dudes that are all her age, and I’m really worried that she’ll forget about me over the summer and potentially mess around with one of those guys. I’m freaking out here and have no idea what to do. Any help would be much appreciated.

This is kind of funny, because you’re worried that this girl will be messing around with one of the guys at her internship. Why should she stop at just one? That’s certainly not what I’d do. If you’re at a wedding and there are servers walking around with giant trays of incredible appetizers, would you just grab one or two and call it a day? Hell no. You’re nabbing one of those things every time a server walks by.

I’m going to assume that these dudes are pretty smart and have their shit together, neither of which bodes well for your sorry ass. I hate to say it, but it looks like you done goofed. It’s possible that you can still remedy this situation and tell her how you feel, but something tells me she’ll pick up the phone sounding pretty winded and say “Hey, can I call you back? I’m a little busy.”

Act fast, my man.

I’m starting at a big state school in Texas this fall, and I plan to rush a fraternity my first semester. One of the frats has invited me to an off-campus house party this weekend, and they told me to bring some beer. I have connections to get the beer, but I don’t know which kind to get. I don’t want to seem like I’m inexperienced or a tryhard. Help me out.

No worries — I’ve got you. If you want to show how much of a seasoned drinker you are, you need to shy away from the bland and boring stuff and show up with something a little more exotic. There are more flavors and varieties of beer than you can imagine, and you’ll want to choose one that combines low alcohol content with a delicious fruit flavor.

An even better choice would be to throw a real curveball and bring some wine coolers instead. Get a six pack of the cheapest ones you can find, and make sure to drink one of them before you arrive. That lets the people know how serious you are about getting drunk and that your wild side can’t be tamed.

Remember to send any and all questions you have to wescp4441@gmail.com.

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WJ Cope

He's the real reason people say "No one likes you when you're 23."

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