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In this week’s Mailbag, we hear from a student at Texas Tech University, Bill, who is crushing hard on his English professor. She’s not some post-menopausal, homely looking woman with those old-people, gold chain croakie things that attach to the temple of her reading glasses. No, she’s 24 years old and “a total fucking babe,” according to Bill. I asked Bill for a visual confirmation in the form of pics, but he didn’t have any. His professor didn’t have a university profile picture, either, which Bill thinks is because she’s so new at TTU.
We’re still going to help out Bill, though, because this is an intriguing situation. Bill’s email is below.
So my English professor is a total fucking babe. She’s 24 and graduated last year. I want to ask her to fraternity formal, but I had to get some input from TFM first. Question one, has it been done before as far as anyone you know? and question two is it a bad idea?
I asked him to describe her, physically, since we can’t get a visual. Below is Bill’s response.
I’d say she’s around 5’6”, blonde, curvy, young; 25 at the oldest. Perfect amount of meat to her. Great body all around, not skinny like a twig, but she’s not fat at all. Looking very well in the breast area. Smaller side of a C cup is my guess.
You hear about these middle school and high school teachers in the news all the time for hooking up with their students, just giving the business to kids, and they’re viewed as sick people, because they are. Obviously. This situation is very, very different, though, because 1) this is college and they’re both adults, and 2) they’re so close in age. Take these two away from school and we’re talking about a couple kids just having some fun.
I’m unaware of any regulations against college professor-college student relationships, similar to the ones in place in high schools. We’ll operate under the assumption that no such regulations exist.
To your first question, I don’t know anyone who has pulled this off before, or even attempted it, but it’s absolutely been done before. During the looser eras of college life, like when your parents were roaming campus, I doubt this was frowned upon. Considering all the drugs and sex and weird shit they were into, professor-student hookups were more the norm, I assume.
Secondly, you asked if this is a bad idea. Yes, it’s a pretty bad idea. Get that question out of my face. With all the available Red Raider trim walking around that campus, you want to go after a staff member? That’s like walking into Spearmint Rhino and hitting on the bartender. Plus, the risk-reward factor leans heavily in favor of risk. In the small chance she actually accepts your invitation, you’d have to avoid missteps at every turn to keep your standing in her class on the straight and narrow. If you start a relationship with her on any sort of level, fucking it up would likely lead to your demise in her class. Whether that matters is up to you, obviously.
Having said that, you should absolutely do it. Then you should report back to me so I can document your failure. If you’re going to swing for the fences, though, you better make contact. This means you’ll have to begin laying a flirtatious foundation leading up to your formal, progressing to some pretty suggestive interactions just prior to the big day. I’m not suggesting sitting front row in your shortest shorts and no underwear to let her peep the hog, but start throwing some vibes out there and see if she likes what she sees. You don’t want to push her in the pool. Invite her in, step-by-step. Splash her a little. Then you can dunk her when the time is right.
And there’s always the chance that she is so impressed by your gall, proven by the fact that you’re attempting this asinine maneuver, that she accepts to see what the rest of you is about.
You could be well on your way to an excellent story and lifetime achievement award. “The guy who’s sleeping with his professor” — that could be you. I can’t believe I said this situation was riskier than the reward would yield. That was idiotic. Do it for the story..